tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-117410862024-03-07T17:32:18.827-05:00Bea Yourself"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."
-Walt WhitmanBeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.comBlogger336125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-1077787020484000692012-05-31T17:04:00.001-05:002012-05-31T17:04:13.993-05:00Favorite Memories1. staying up late with my sister Brennie to watch re-runs of Wild Wild West
2. playing in the cow pasture with my best friend Stevie when we lived in Indianna
3. riding roller coasters with my niece Mary
4. creating whirl pools in my sister and brother in law's pool
5. The first Thanksgiving at the Mountain House
6. making tunnels in the snow drifts of Indianna
7. Christmas Eve at the Livingston's
8. watching my nephew Blam play soccer
9. watching The Llamas and Lukie do "Digger Dawg"...one of the funniest things I've ever seen
10.getting up early with my Mom to make Thanksgiving dinner
11. Discovery Cove in Orlando...swimming with the dolphins, the Lazy River, swimming with the Rays...it was awesomeBeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-30038557060562567212012-05-24T19:15:00.003-05:002012-05-24T19:15:50.224-05:00one of my fav quotesfrom Apollo 13:
"We're all out of whack. We try to pitch down but we yaw to the left. Why can't I null this out?"Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-28520816049810325212012-05-24T09:16:00.000-05:002012-05-24T19:08:42.814-05:00My Favorite ThingsFor some reason I can't get the song "A Few of my Favorite Things" out of my head so I thought I would do a list of my own:
Violets and Mums are my fav flowers;
Love to hear my nieces and nephews laughing;
Love my crazy gato, especialy when he flops at my feet;
Love my family very much;
Music, music and more music (La Boheme-Musetta's Waltz...it's timeless...a woman complaining about her shoes??!!);
every Stephen King book ever written (The Stand and the Dark Tower books are at the top of the list);
Jane Austen;
my friend Aileen's enchilladas;
Lord of the Rings and of course The Hobbit;
cheese; watermelon;
cucumber sandwiches made by my aunt;
My Man Godfrey (not the one with June Allison and David Niven-Allison is just shrill in it);
Pan's Labryinth (like all of del Torro's work- his DP does wonderful things with color);
The Watchmen both the graphic novel and the movie;
Downey fabric softener-when I was a kid we didn't have $$$ for toys and we used to play with the plastic bottles;
Shelbyville, Indiana...loved playing in the pastures, running in the fields and making houses out of snow drifts it was the coolest place to grow up sorry that we had to leave;
Battlestar Galactica...Eddie Olmos has a wonderful voice;
Turkey Hill Sugar Free Dutch Chocolate ice cream;
making bread and cooking in general (would've liked to try beef wellington but I don't eat beef anymore);
washing dishes...it's theraputic;
people watching at airports...fascinating what people do;
my grandmother's shoefly pie...sadly the recipe died with her;
favorite memory, swimming with the dolphins with my niece and nephew; riding roller coasters with Mary; playing in the pool and paddling the boat around the pond in the mountainsBeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-51315156444138736752012-05-17T07:44:00.001-05:002012-05-17T07:44:26.624-05:00Random Thursday ThoughtsI've been away for a while and need to do some "Bea-ing Myself". I've been unemployed since Feb 2012...lovely little lay off at an institution that shall remain nameles because I don't want to give them any kind of publicity (be it negative or positive). I left my crazy Spanish folk in 2010 and strangely I miss them, they were a good group of men. So we're back to the lovely dilemma of unemployment. I've been interviewing however, once someone sees "supported CEO" on one's resume I become "Over Qualified"...it's discouraging and quite frankly I feel for people with famiies who have been out of work longer than I have. Things at Chez Bea are pretty dark indeed. My severance package ran out at the beginning of April and now I'm in a hole that I'm not sure I can dig my way out of, it's kinda deep. For the first time in my life I cannot pay bills and it's killing me. I've always been able to take care of myself and now I can't do it. I'm not sure I can take much more of this.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-89891232343611166232012-03-20T15:23:00.001-05:002012-03-20T15:23:42.861-05:00Pics of SpringHere are some pics of trees near my apartment...Spring is here!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gGmzgyCWM3w/T2jnPXeh9vI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/T8RINAw_LQk/s1600/IMG_0508.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gGmzgyCWM3w/T2jnPXeh9vI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/T8RINAw_LQk/s320/IMG_0508.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-31353013353571132892012-03-20T13:38:00.001-05:002012-03-20T13:38:21.587-05:00saw this and couldn't resistBeahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-52743292564311552762011-11-22T14:22:00.002-05:002011-11-22T14:39:00.268-05:00Thanksgiving ThoughtsI have been a bad blogger and haven't posted in a long, long time. This morning, while enjoying my cup of tea I was flooded by memories of Thanksgivings past. This is the first year since I was 17 that I will not be prepping the brid so to speak. I received my turkey training at the age of 12. My mother and I would get up at 5 am to begin the making of the dressing, side dishes and the bird. I can remember the first time I did my solo prep...the sheer terror of, "...did I use too much onion in the dressing?...will the gravy break and be lumpy?....did I use too much sour cream in the mashed potatoes?"...what a surprise when I discovered that everybody liked it! Since then I've been appointed the Maker of the Thanksgiving Feast (except for that one year my sister got a bit deep in her cups and tried to feed everybody raw turkey-after that the family decided that I should continue in Mom's place-<span style="font-style:italic;">vino after the cooking was complete</span>). No one has ever gotten sick from my cooking and I'm rather proud of it LOL. Althought truth be told there was a year when I was very sick and put entirely too much sage in the dressing-I cook by sense of smell-LOL the stuffing was green-it's been the family joke, "Should I add more sage?" This year will be different, I won't be getting up at 5 to chop, slice, dice, food process, boil, or bake. I won't be slicing the cheese platter, setting out the pickles and olives....I'll be spending it this year with friends which I am deeply thankful for....so many blessings in disguise.<br /><br />Wishing you a safe and delightful holiday.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-11334895921478972292011-06-22T20:11:00.002-05:002011-06-22T20:14:22.567-05:00Ummm ICK!After watching several vieos in u tube I have become convinced that Maddona is wiry, ugly and terribly unattractive, It's a shame because she could represent to much...instead she's interested in tying be younger than she realy is. Celebrate yourself, embrace your age instead of trying to be an infant.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-51011161490913537262008-11-09T07:40:00.007-05:002008-11-09T12:15:15.208-05:00Today...I am angry<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkuVxmH_DLQ-9slnzjK1u7_QlHcdcj3JmJC4MRexqdoMKLTFMhMV0Hv6lspCHQtOPH04zwPOK3_ktkAdTYMIUi6ggNp2K2_vdmkyhBzYNXNr6fAcWMZzXLAYJnhLV9lDCiL0xL2A/s1600-h/1063767649_91166b55ce.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkuVxmH_DLQ-9slnzjK1u7_QlHcdcj3JmJC4MRexqdoMKLTFMhMV0Hv6lspCHQtOPH04zwPOK3_ktkAdTYMIUi6ggNp2K2_vdmkyhBzYNXNr6fAcWMZzXLAYJnhLV9lDCiL0xL2A/s320/1063767649_91166b55ce.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5266706883191036530" /></a><br />Years ago I went to a therapist who told me it was OK to be angry. It is OK to occupy that space and to admit it. Part of the healing process is the expression of the dilemma (instead of holding everything inside, a negative self-destructive manner).<br /><br />Today I am angry, not the Pompeii kind of anger where I get all kinds of volcanic and violently erupt. This anger is more of a simmering bubble, things heat at the bottom and slowly come to the surface to pop, little expressions of buried frustration, resentment and over all discontent. Reasons:<br /><br />1. The economy tanking, gas prices rising to levels of stupidity I didn't think were possible...and some very wealthy families making millions off the suffering of people (Americans, Europeans, everybody on the planet). This pisses me off to no end. What we do to others, we do to ourselves. What goes out comes back to the source, often 10 time more powerful or destructive than the original act. Why do human beings seem incapable of helping each other? This has been going on for thousands of years-you'd think we'd get the words of wisdom in the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud and the great teachings of Buddha. And do not tell me I don't know what I'm talking about-I've done extensive research.<br /><br />2. At work, I am frustrated. There are no words to describe the depths. At the moment I seem incapable of understanding and this bothers me, deeply. If there is one person on the planet who will jump in at the darkest hour and save your ass, it is me. I really am the Dark Knight (no I'm not a man, I don't live in a cave or have an English butler to look after me-I am honorable and sincerely wish to help those who are in need) and when the shit hits the fan you call me and I get you out-that's what I do. All of this hinges on my ability to understand the scope of your situation, the ramifications of what you need and what I need to perform to get the job done. If I don't comprehend then I cannot perform, I am, for lack of a better term, cut off at the knees. If you are my executive, my drive and focus is your well being. If you want to meet with the Devil himself, I call his secretary, schedule the date/time and get you through the gates of Hell and back. I may not physically be on the trip with you but indirectly I am removing obstacles, possible nasty encounters and I am there keeping you from harm's way. I support 4 very different executives (CEO, CFO, President and Sr. Vice President) and I am failing. To give an example, you are sitting in your car trying to find a radio station (because you cannot afford satellite radio) as you spin through the dial nothing comes in clearly, every signal is weak. These radio signals are like the 4 executives I support; each has different operating frequency, a different signal strength and I am trying to find them; help them, get them what they need. But I'm not receiving the broadcast, the message is distorted, confusing and jumbled. This inability to find them makes me question my abilities and I spend sleepless nights second guessing myself. Is it me? Why can't I understand? I am giving it my best effort and still can't make it work. Does my inability to perform indicate that I should find another line of work or do I gut it out and try to work a solution? If I gut it out, I will do so without support and am I strong enough and intelligent enough to find the way through? A different train of thought comes into play here. There are situations in life that occur that are insurmountable, the lesson to be learned is that sometimes we cannot solve the problem or overcome the odds. Is this one of those situations for me? Tenacity and the inability to walk away from a train wreck have been bred into me. I cannot watch someone drown. I'm the idiot on the beach that goes racing into a rip tide with a life preserver. Maybe I am the one drowning and there's no one on the beach with a life preserver. Maybe I should swim to a safe harbour and salvage what I can?<br />3. I am angry because I cannot pay my bills. I have always been a responsible person, self sufficient and independent. I now find myself with $6 in my checking account; zero in savings and bills coming out the wazoo. Yet Dubya and his cronies are making billions off of inflated gas prices and people dying in the Middle East...yeah I'm a bit torqued up about that....<br />4. I am lonely. I am lonely because all I do is work and I work to compensate for my loneliness. It's a vicious cycle. I am by nature a shy person. I have great difficulties at parties and gatherings. I am the person who comes spends 30 minutes and leaves because I feel so socially inept. You see, deep down I don't know what to do or say and this makes me terribly nervous. I dread going to pubs and bars because I don't know what to do in them aside from the obvious of having a cocktail. When I get uneasy I blurt out the most idiotic statements and then rush off to the rest room to cringe in horror about what I've just said. When I go out to the movies, shopping at the Mall or at a store, I look at couples and wonder why I seem unable to find a decent male companion? Is it such a crime against nature that I should have a boyfriend? What is it that I project that makes me undesirable? Am I really that damaged, tainted and awful?<br />5. Are the standards I have established for myself too high? Have I set my own guidelines too far from my grasp and is this why I am so frustrated? I know that I push myself to extreme lengths to help others because I understand what it is like to be lost and confused with nowhere to go for an answer. Growing up I felt very alone, friendless. There was nowhere for me to turn except inward in times of difficulty. I know my mother did her best to raise us, I place no blame on her. I hold no resentment toward her, she was not responsible for the events that shaped my early development. In her own way she tried to make the best of a truly shitty situation and I doubt I could've made better choices.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhURRPHo28zvtQc2DKMWIH86L8JDE0u6M7Vmzpo0HGIB37seroubft2IuXtu4uteNgHY79RQ9kj2Y6MFHfUo5u74-RLf3AqA5VcyomKrxpNKT5G2wyHNkxJbUI4NzCWxntoWe3USw/s1600-h/lioneyesslide.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 215px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhURRPHo28zvtQc2DKMWIH86L8JDE0u6M7Vmzpo0HGIB37seroubft2IuXtu4uteNgHY79RQ9kj2Y6MFHfUo5u74-RLf3AqA5VcyomKrxpNKT5G2wyHNkxJbUI4NzCWxntoWe3USw/s320/lioneyesslide.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5266656360268282594" /></a><br />So far this is just the tip of the ice berg. I'm sure there is more lurking beneath the surface but I have to wait for it to bubble up and vent it. I have no answers yet. I'm still pondering.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-85843586285485591692008-11-01T18:12:00.006-05:002008-11-01T19:01:40.141-05:00Navel Gazing......<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhum-d-Mrl35TQjjuqVfrO4mlRRHF5D-pM7WLzuFdP4_xFSuoIRDg2q4r8XZNuDXHmeHMZHvK4XG1JK8PEGUxwYrEjf8lWtySSTT7DVruiRDp2j8obIIZqNVj5kRpyHqyO5p373NQ/s1600-h/DarkKnightPre3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 210px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhum-d-Mrl35TQjjuqVfrO4mlRRHF5D-pM7WLzuFdP4_xFSuoIRDg2q4r8XZNuDXHmeHMZHvK4XG1JK8PEGUxwYrEjf8lWtySSTT7DVruiRDp2j8obIIZqNVj5kRpyHqyO5p373NQ/s320/DarkKnightPre3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5263843134614806690" /></a><br /><br />Went to see "Max Payne" and would recommend waiting for rental on this one. Normally I enjoy a good testosterone charged film but this time it was a bit disappointing. On my way out of the cinema I had a thought, well actually several thoughts at once. Work has been a priority on my mind and I find myself working really stupid hours and losing sleep. Which begs the question...why do I do this to myself? Is my need for approval so great that I must work myself into a sleep deprived mess? I thought more about it on my way home. I am driven to "be there" because I know what it's like not to have any help, hence my hyper-drive to help others. I understand what it's like to be so lost that I am inordinately driven to help others...often to my own detriment. So why do I lay it on the line for an office that could give a shit less and 4 bosses who I suspect don't really give a shit either? Am I just being professional or is there something inside of me that enjoys having the shit kicked out of me?? Instinctively I know there is no pay off, there is no white knight who's gonna come charging outta the sunset and help me...I am The Dark Knight and I rescue others when they least expect it. I am the silent watchful Guardian who bails your ass out when the shit hits the fan...but I am tired of constantly rescuing others...when do I get rescued? Who helps me when I'm in trouble and can't find my way through? Disturbingly...I suspect no one...and this frightens me because I am not Teflon. There are occasions when I need assistance and have absolutely no one to turn to, no one to understand, no one to offer a life preserver or parachute. Which brings me to the question am I unconsciously being a martyr? If I am, does this make me a bad person or a self-indulgent idiot? Am I driven to help others so I can somehow find a way to help myself? Or do I really need to find another line of work so I can get myself off this treadmill of self destruction? Too many questions with no answers at the moment...Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-87730264995540173472008-10-26T18:21:00.001-05:002008-10-26T18:21:42.952-05:00The Bottom Line...I love my Spaniards...they are insane but I love them...Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-74478993585129685132008-10-26T08:43:00.005-05:002008-10-26T09:26:10.260-05:00Random Sunday Thoughts<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQG2wjr2DLAPOeC_mMNcop9dLZsruoaTe6LXB_UQ_y7VPbueQ-STsfpqb_av3oShnCc6DncMcEkDTS2GugOhUt1wOG2W8LG2v-_HcldXq3hN5CZdycH8lwNcBxizbqVlcejD_A5w/s1600-h/ultraviolet12.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 170px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQG2wjr2DLAPOeC_mMNcop9dLZsruoaTe6LXB_UQ_y7VPbueQ-STsfpqb_av3oShnCc6DncMcEkDTS2GugOhUt1wOG2W8LG2v-_HcldXq3hN5CZdycH8lwNcBxizbqVlcejD_A5w/s320/ultraviolet12.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5261461611353526722" /></a><br /><br />I've moved beyond "Saving Private Ryan" and into "Ultra Violet" mode, the "no touch" fight on the rooftop (if you've seen the movie you'll know what I'm talking about) with the Chinois Gou is now my reality. Constant twisting, turning, ducking in an impressive gymnastic dance of desperation to avoid a cascade of things being thrown at me. I have no time to think, just do and keep doing. I know in time things will improve and possibly get better, but right now I'm struggling to maintain. I'm tough, I can take it but can I sustain it? I constantly ask myself, " Why not cut and run for cover? What is it inside of me that compels me to gut it out when others would've left a long time ago?" I have no answer and am beginning to doubt my abilities and the quality of my work. Monday through friday I lose sleep, work 10-12 hour days and spend my weekends sleeping. This is not how I want to spend the rest of my days. I would prefer something a little more normal and suspect my time with my current employer will end once the office is moved. I have a conscience and to leave now would be ethically and morally questionable. It saddens me because I can make just about any circumstance work but the tasks I've been given push me far beyond my scope and I feel like I'm perpetually failing, fumbling and tumbling.<br /><br />My long time Gold Fish companion Mister Finns died earlier this week...he'd been with me for 5 years...Fluffy the algae eater died a week before him. I have an empty fish tank with no aquatic pals. My bank account is almost empty, I have no social life and have slipped into a funk. In time I'll bounce back, I always do but right now, I'm feelin' kinda blue....Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-63728220043495289192008-10-13T18:55:00.003-05:002008-10-13T18:56:52.399-05:00Me...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHiyvimWpTpKDjA0AorBlX5LKimS-QBtK37iIJayYVHJHxxoo7GD8UjMnlkyRj4N3LqLFhOxrIpuRuqwH52FDjwR7QUU-2DsXo_2OvRZfDHL0I5EkwAqqFhnBvm-KRWll275Fw-g/s1600-h/IMG_0359.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHiyvimWpTpKDjA0AorBlX5LKimS-QBtK37iIJayYVHJHxxoo7GD8UjMnlkyRj4N3LqLFhOxrIpuRuqwH52FDjwR7QUU-2DsXo_2OvRZfDHL0I5EkwAqqFhnBvm-KRWll275Fw-g/s400/IMG_0359.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5256791697202600978" /></a>Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-50738631238149058732008-09-22T18:48:00.005-05:002008-09-22T18:51:41.407-05:00God Save the Queen<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Y1NMaRklnvI/SNgu7oVRDLI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/WUdbqrrMXME/s1600-h/elizabeth_levina_teerling.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Y1NMaRklnvI/SNgu7oVRDLI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/WUdbqrrMXME/s320/elizabeth_levina_teerling.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5248996967674088626" /></a><br /><br /><br />God save the Queen<br /><br />I am a lioness with 3 Spanish cubs and one Jewish cub...God Save the Queen! How do I help these men and manage the details of my life?Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-86932891745226710802008-09-11T19:27:00.005-05:002008-09-11T20:15:11.411-05:00I'll See You on the Beach...Saving Private Ryan<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi87CMQEhGVx3bsyD33CPKaAQcaNqLa2mIP7TqgHpVisvpjwDPlUVLwRZbz13EBRZYSAcnB4hZrOtB48PhGQzG7e1f-ocw-xNjKbrpKvmkJvq3UKoO3DYZ6XpZw1AgST82zTyh53g/s1600-h/Saving+Private+Ryan+3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi87CMQEhGVx3bsyD33CPKaAQcaNqLa2mIP7TqgHpVisvpjwDPlUVLwRZbz13EBRZYSAcnB4hZrOtB48PhGQzG7e1f-ocw-xNjKbrpKvmkJvq3UKoO3DYZ6XpZw1AgST82zTyh53g/s320/Saving+Private+Ryan+3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244936358624130162" /></a><br />Things lately have been all kinds of FUBAR and I find that my life now resembles the memorable opening sequence in "Saving Private Ryan". The Omaha Beach objective...the controlled chaos of forward movement and the struggle to keep going, at any cost. I have been given the task of supporting 4 key executives at work (CEO, CFO, President and Sr, VP) this task in itself is daunting. I did not ask for it, I am not happy about it and I sincerely wish I could go back to supporting the President and Sr. VP. What's done is done and I cannot change it. Add on the fact that 3 of these men are very European (limited English skills) makes it even more challenging. To throw another log on the fire, we're in the process of moving the office and as Manager, most of the little details roll back to me. I'm the only one who knows. I am the lifeline, the support and the glue that holds things together. I make the impossible possible, it is my art, my craft and my drive. I am responsible for the care and safety of the people I support. From top to bottom, they are under my protection and I am compelled to get them through any given situation with limited injury or harm-if it is within my power. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig4FFRIAdy1jq_xr7MjrZVGh3JczqnBzpo1hfe2PVQ7EEL9R9xJZnM64hQdnV5RggTCUFaU8If4bf9o703LzERYZhTc0GZbEjDcXO_M_t48DHw1Zd8E469BxNCc6wA7AOKn1c7lA/s1600-h/Tom-Hanks---Saving-Private-Ryan--C10104037.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig4FFRIAdy1jq_xr7MjrZVGh3JczqnBzpo1hfe2PVQ7EEL9R9xJZnM64hQdnV5RggTCUFaU8If4bf9o703LzERYZhTc0GZbEjDcXO_M_t48DHw1Zd8E469BxNCc6wA7AOKn1c7lA/s320/Tom-Hanks---Saving-Private-Ryan--C10104037.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5244936455560394226" /></a><br /><br />I feel like Tom Hank's character, Captain Miller. An ordinary person placed in a chaotic circumstance not of my creation, trying to do my duty to the best of my ability. My co-workers are nervous and my catch phrase has become, "I'll see you on the beach." I struggle to maintain forward momentum without stepping on cultural land mines, avoid haphazard organizational cross fire and lobbed corporate guideline grenades...I've reached the sea wall, "...shore party, shore party Dog One is not open say again Dog One is not open. First wave ineffective..." now somebody get me a bangalore so I can clear this shingle and do what I need to do...Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-60486515507427453582008-08-31T13:33:00.002-05:002008-08-31T13:35:41.537-05:00Babylon ADYet another installment of Bea's Adventures in Cinema...Babylon AD was fun, typical action film so don't go looking for War and Peace. Vin Diesel was well, Vin Diesel. Might be better to wait for the rental on this one.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-63936835779180828132008-08-24T14:42:00.002-05:002008-08-24T14:50:58.572-05:00Death RaceYes it's true, I have odd taste when it comes to movies. I am the first to admit my quirky likes and dislikes. I liked "Death Race". Taken from the 1970's "Death Race 2000" (starring a very young Sly Stallone and that version was far worse than this re-make) hell, it's an action flick not freakin' Sense and Sensibility. Testosterone is supposed to be hosing down the cinema and lets face it, Jason Statham and Ian McShane are two of my favs. I'm not looking for exquisite plot twists, Oscar worthy performances and phenomenal writing-I want to see beef-cake and shit blow up. This movie did not disappoint but I would suggest seeing a matinee rather than paying full price. It's made for the big screen and rental wouldn't do some of the wide shots justice unless you're heavily into letter box versions. For me, Ian McShane makes the movie..."No one f*&#!'s with my car..." fabulous line delivery...adore the man's voice.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-69575676009688801932008-08-17T14:15:00.002-05:002008-08-17T14:19:35.980-05:00Tropic ThunderOH. MY. GOD...absolutely, without a doubt, one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Robert Downey Jr. makes this film. He is amazing. The fun begins with fake movie trailers which, sweet Jesus, are just too damned good for words. (laughed so hard I nasal jetted my diet coke). If you've got the time and the coin-check this film out...well worth the expense. The end credit bit with Tom Cruise was something I could've done without, it wasn't that funny and if anything detracted from the overall hilarity of the film.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-79194280831380053042008-08-10T18:53:00.002-05:002008-08-10T19:02:42.376-05:00The PrestigeHave been on a Christopher Nolan kick lately and rented "The Prestige" starring Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine and Christian Bale. It's a story about magic, obsession and rivalry but there's so much more to it. I can't say anything beyond that because I don't want to reveal the trick. There's a great quote from the movie regarding illusions/magic tricks. Michael Caine says, "Now you're looking for the secret. But you won't find it because, of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be fooled." It's the truth. I began watching the film and found myself being drawn into the characters and wondering just where the hell the story was going? It was a fascinating journey that did not disappoint. Truly a finely crafted screenplay, excellent direction and great acting (aside from a very predicable Scarlett Johannsen). If you have the coin-go rent this movie and get sucked in the way I did.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-19515843867615891712008-07-31T20:24:00.002-05:002008-07-31T20:36:09.025-05:00Random Questions without AnswersLately I seem to be going through a period of self questioning...why do I do what I do? Why do I chose to react the way I do? What keeps me from moving forward and finding some semblance of happiness? (This is not an ad for Dyanetics) Why the frig did I make that choice? How do I get out of this shitty situation? More importantly why did I allow it to happen in the first place? Is it stupid to stay in a job for one person or am to really fooling myself into a new level of self delusion? Is this a Mid-Life Crisis or am I just tired and over thinking?<br /><br />I have no definitive answers yet and am fumbling my way through it.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-48111621048034687592008-07-30T18:57:00.003-05:002008-12-08T22:46:10.132-05:00Me...lookin' all kinds of professional at work...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhet7A9ZGwQkQo6WaW09WgAEJGeJMiTMpVnDh3hAYZNMTE_ixynTSq1jB6-J_hE5cf0Pf77uTgraCBZYoXmOaMEMB_Rw1Si-CG1tMRgThfvES7r1p_bAu_qOWA2Lds1NWEr_Y5_pg/s1600-h/IMG_0352.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhet7A9ZGwQkQo6WaW09WgAEJGeJMiTMpVnDh3hAYZNMTE_ixynTSq1jB6-J_hE5cf0Pf77uTgraCBZYoXmOaMEMB_Rw1Si-CG1tMRgThfvES7r1p_bAu_qOWA2Lds1NWEr_Y5_pg/s320/IMG_0352.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228960932163132082" /></a>Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-11271379182128748702008-07-28T19:30:00.002-05:002008-12-08T22:46:10.375-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirgaiYMPEQE8W4c1PS1me-z6EhO-SQjByb9WwEa532y2NmtGyDoN12JLBK5ga_O_S40wHlQK7XqKs2V6dmq31QCHnoDzB5POSs3fLaEa_07mQFXLBF-xMwC4bpMaQQDgxE3oXFMg/s1600-h/DarkKnightPre3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirgaiYMPEQE8W4c1PS1me-z6EhO-SQjByb9WwEa532y2NmtGyDoN12JLBK5ga_O_S40wHlQK7XqKs2V6dmq31QCHnoDzB5POSs3fLaEa_07mQFXLBF-xMwC4bpMaQQDgxE3oXFMg/s400/DarkKnightPre3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228230792369627090" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />now...GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!! (*Note: I did not take the picture shown above but whoever took it did a fabulous job)Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-19455673571832928502008-07-28T19:11:00.004-05:002008-12-08T22:46:10.467-05:00Monday Random Thoughts<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Y1NMaRklnvI/SI5n4IM9Z3I/AAAAAAAAAEY/mzj9ICZw-38/s1600-h/IMG_0349.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Y1NMaRklnvI/SI5n4IM9Z3I/AAAAAAAAAEY/mzj9ICZw-38/s320/IMG_0349.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228230431395899250" /></a><br />After spending 6 weeks on surgical leave I was excited to return to work. I like what I do, I like helping people...when the hour is darkest, I bring the light (or at least find the batteries for the flashlight). I transform chaos into order and I make it look easy. I'm a damned fine Office Manager but there are days when I feel like the bottom of a bird cage and long to do something different with my life. It would be so nice to not have to pick up someone else's mess, not be responsible, reliable or the solver of great office mysteries (how to fix a jammed copier? someone broke the water spigot on the cooler what do we do? the coffee bill hasn't been paid...life as we know it may end...) Maybe I'm tired? Can burn out be hitting me so soon? I wonder if what I do or who I am makes a difference? Or am I deluding myself into believing that I'm more essential than I really am? Don't get me wrong, I'm not seeking a giant neon "Thank You" sign (God knows in an office full of engineers that is just not possible-not a fun crowd to be in)...I'd just like a billboard telling me, "YES, you're on track! Rock-on with your bad-self girl!"<br />*sigh*<br />Moving On....<br />After you've seen "Dark Knight" go see "Hellboy 2"...Del Toro, his cast, crew and writers deliver a fabulous follow up to the first film. Truly, one of the best films this year; lovely lighting, heart-warming story and wonderful cast.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-88978758610964656892008-07-21T16:24:00.008-05:002008-07-24T09:31:09.319-05:00Dark Knight-movie review-my take on it....The latest installment in the Batman franchise is by no means a disappointment, it goes beyond expectation. I have been a fan of Batman for a long time, read my first comic when I was in high school and my love for the character hasn't faded. Through all the adaptations (Tim Burton, Joel Schumacher, the campy TV show etc) the version by Christopher Nolan is a refreshing journey into the essence of the character. Both "Batman Begins" and "Dark Knight" are realistic in format and both are character driven pieces. There are special effects, neat toys, exceptional writing and CGI. "Dark Knight" has no happy ending, the struggle to bring Gotham back from the brink is a continued, up-hill war. It's not nice, it's not clean; like life, it's a mess. There are no rules written in stone, and shit happens.<br /><br />Bale's performance highlights Wayne's struggles (justice vs vengeance, the mask he wears both personal and public, private live vs public demands etc). When given the opportunity does he go for the kill or does he fight for justice? This challenge always lurks in Bale's eyes. He is subtle and that's what makes his performance so good. His throaty, animalistic growl when confronting villains is not to avoid recognition, it is deeper. He's tapping into a dark, animalistic place (Duh-he's Batman). Descending to a guttural level where criminals live, going down to meet them head on. We see him with cuts and bruises (he's not Superman after all). I like the choices that Bale has made, no slick Val Kilmer-George Clooney-testosterone-charged-macho-gimmicks, just realistic nuances that enhance rather than detract from the essence of Bruce Wayne/Batman. I hope he continues in the role...I suspect there is quite a talent in this actor (his performance in "The Machinist" is truly the creepiest and mesmerizing...kid's got talent). He has said that he is surprised by the success of this film because most of this other films have tanked...my response to this...why do we fall?...so we learn to pick ourselves up. There will be more memorable performances from Mister Bale, and I sincerely hope he will continue to be the Dark Knight of Gotham. If you have any doubts about his performance, please check out the BBC's review of the film-worth a read for sure.<br /><br />http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7519246.stm<br /><br />Heath Ledger's Joker is his finest performance and an excellent counter-point to Bale's Batman. It is a shame that he is no longer with us. I refuse to jump on the "Heath for Best Supporting Actor" bandwagon. Yes his performance is good but the rest of the cast turns in excellent performances as well (hell most of them have been nominated or have won Oscars-these are true craftsmen). It is a shame that Ledger died so young but premature death doesn't warrant discounting other artists merits. Gary Oldman is exceptional as Gordon (the man never makes bad choices). Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Maggie Gyllenhaal (soooooooooooooooo much better than the now skeletal Katie Holmes-girl needs several cheeseburgers washed down with some serious whole milk chocolate shakes) also deliver excellence on screen.<br /><br />Nolan, his cast and crew offer a mesmerizing, and amazing film. Lets hope he continues with the franchise. A big shout out of thanks to them for creating a humanized view of the Dark Knight who watches over Gotham...truly a fine piece of craftsmanship.<br /><br />Rounding out the fabulousness...the score by the powerhouses of James Newton Howard and Hans Zimmer (you cannot go wrong with these two-just not possible).<br /><br />If you are a fan of the graphic novels (not the TV show) go see the movie. It will knock your socks off. <br /><br />If you want to see lots of kitch, CGI out the wing-wang (need I mention "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"-fabulous concept-truly-entirely too much bad CGI), catchy one liners, and camp galore-rent the Burton and Schumacher versions. (Mind you there is nothing wrong with these films-I enjoyed them for what they are, pure spectacle-but not the essence of Bruce Wayne/Batman; no delving into the man behind the mask, no exploration of the human being).Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11741086.post-2112682988273197022008-02-18T18:32:00.001-05:002008-02-18T18:34:40.487-05:00It made me smile for the first time in weeks...<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/TMCf7SNUb-Q&rel=1&border=0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/TMCf7SNUb-Q&rel=1&border=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />I saw this at Osquer's site and had to share, it's really quite lovely.Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17192493214511305903noreply@blogger.com1