Leap

Coach-"A real man admits his fears. That's what I'm asking you to do here tonight. Fears...lets talk about them."

Player-"I'm scared of spiders, Coach"

-The Replacements


I awoke in a foul mood this morning and yes I do mean foul. The day was dreary and cold, overcast and mixed with sputters of rain. I spent the morning battling those inner demons that tend to over power rational thought when one is alone. The bills, the car acting up, joblessness, they all breathed their fire on me and I'd forgotten to wear my asbestos underwear today-of all days! I knew that I had to fight the downward spiral that was sucking me in. I picked up the phone and spent the afternoon chatting with a good friend who unknowingly helped me to come to a conclusion that I had been blindly ignoring for several years. I found my calling, my path and it felt good. I hung up the phone and glowed with a sense of excitement and joy. Someone once told me that out of chaos comes clarity. To deny the truth of self only creates unrest, unhappiness and despair, which is what I've been doing to myself for too long. It all boils down to perception, both awareness of self and of others. Serendipity lies in being open to it. A good chum is constantly telling me, "Leap and the net will appear." and in his case it worked. He has travelled down the road that I am now on and speaks with the voice of experience and faith. His faith in the universe stuns me because I really am "Oh Ye of little faith". I lost faith because I wasn't listening, I wasn't aware, I wasn't open to a new perception of myself, I was afraid. (grins) Later this evening, and several phone calls later (with a different friend), the heavens broke and I finally GOT IT! OK so I can be a bit dense from time to time. Let it be noted that I am now willing to let go of my stubborn streak and open myself up because I do not want to continue on this path, I choose another one instead. I've realized that fear, if left unattended, grows and stops one from becoming. So I do my free-fall, my leap of faith and accept myself exactly as I am.