Can I get a Hooo Hah??!!!

I say this proudly, I am no longer a homeowner. A shout out to K for being the most amazing person on the planet for helping me move. I never would have been able to do it on my own without having a cardiac arrest. The man is righteous what can I say? You can always tell the strength of a friendship when those people offer to help you move. The heat and humidity combined with the three flight walk up are a test of endurance and good humor. The fact that the man kept me sane and did not erupt in overly harsh language confound me to this very day.

I closed on my house on June 30th at 1pm but prior to that important hour I was madly rushing to remove the last remnants of my stuff. A brief schedule of the Final Day's activities:

4:30 am-wake up-shower-inhale a pop tart and vitamins
5:15 am-drive from new apartment to house
5:30 am-begin chain smoking and tamp down the overwhelming desire for caffine laced bevvie
5:45 am-arrive at house and madly dash from the house to the car with armloads of crap, sweating like a race horse
7:45 am-car is jammed to capacity-leave to go pick up rental van smelling to high heaven and spazzing out because there's still so much to be done
8:15 am-continue sweating profusely while playing a giant game of Tetrus with the boxes in the cargo van-deodorant has stopped working
9:15 am-kindly neighbor sees that I am drowning in my own fluids and offers me a glass of lemonade which I chug in one mighty gulp
9:45 am-house is finally EMPTY-rental van rides like a Cadillac-having depleted my energy I wanly vaccum the house and lock the front door for the last time
10:00 am-I am feeling a bit woozy and stop at Burger King for some breakfast, notice that people are staring at me and the woman behind the counter comments on my stench-I apologize and explain that I'm moving and do plan on becoming clean again-find table in corner and inhale food so that the restaurant will not have to be fumigated
10:30 am-drive 30 min to new apartment and hose myself off before going to closing
12:15- Adrenaline rush is OVER and I'm beginning to crash and burn while driving to the real estate office
12:45-I arrive early and chat with kindly receptionist to keep myself awake-I'm getting punchy
1:00 pm-closing begins-meet the new owner and his witch of a real estate agent, give huge hugs to Debbie my real estate agent and shake hands with mortgage chick
1:30 pm-while mortgage chick is discussing important stuff with Gary, the new owner, I am whispering comments to Debbie in an effort to stay awake
2:00 pm-closing is done, hugs all 'round the room, pass keys to Gary and wish him the best of luck
3:00 pm-stop for some Gatorade-my eyes feel like two piss holes in the snow and I cannot stop yawning
4:00 pm-get home, haul my big ass up three flights, disrobe as I'm walking in the door and fall asleep in my living room chair
6:00 pm-wake up to unload rented cargo van
9:00 pm-gasping for breath I'm finished and drive to old neighborhood to return van and pick up my car
10:30 pm-back at new apt and my day is finally done!!!

THANK GOD IT'S OVER!!!!!!