Sunday, December 18, 2005

ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After weeding through my matches at E Harmony (narrowed down to 2) I've been reduced to making pirate noises. Yes LD you are correct I'm being a ckicken shit and as I sit here listening to The Outfield (a rather obscure 80's band) telling me about "...all the love in the world" I'm hoping that I can absorb the wisdom in the lyrics. OK I'm not feeling terribly confident and others see things in me that for the moment elude my grasp. I'm not being deliberatley blockheaded or intentionally obtuse, I have great difficulty being objective about myself. I've got a banger of a headache and I'm frustrated by my inability to supercede those niggling fears that tickle the back of my brain. Why is it that the negative aspects of a personality are always at the forefront? While I'm jotting all of this down there is part of me damning myself for being well, so damned self centered. OK I'll stop my venting and just breathe.
at

6 comments:

  1. AnonymousMon Dec 19, 01:46:00 PM 2005

    in through the nose, out through the mouth.
    you're never going to relieve this fear until you bite the bullet and go for it. at some point, you will have to put the self-doubt into the deepest part of your closet and take a shot. the first one is the scariest. from there, it all gets easier.
    my advice - suck it up and STOP SELLING YOURSELF SHORT. just because you can't see it, doesn't mean its not there.
    keep the faith, and the updates.

    -s

    ReplyDelete
  2. BeaMon Dec 19, 06:03:00 PM 2005

    Thanks S will keep breathing, whip out my Joan of Arc armor and kick the crap out of the Dragon of Fears-eventually lol. I've started doing daily affirmations to try to ease the whole self esteem issue. I repeat to myself, "I love and accept myself exactly as I am right now." the power of positive thinking can't hurt so what the heck!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chairborne StrangerMon Dec 19, 08:39:00 PM 2005

    it's ok to be indecisive about this. you'll be ok once you get out there and start meeting people. your inner person will come out and then everything will be ok. i used to feel badly when every date didn't go as planned. make it fun-make it adventurous-and make it a goal to meet 10 new guys. can't go wrong with 10, right? one or two will strike your fancy.

    it's ok to link without permission, i'd love it too, btw, and thank you very much for reading!

    i'm waiting to hear more about eharmony too--you've taken the 1st step!

    ReplyDelete
  4. BeaMon Dec 19, 10:30:00 PM 2005

    Thanks for the encouragement CS, it's comforting to know that there is hope lol. I narrowed it down to two so we'll see what happens. I responded to these questions that they ask, it felt a little surreal. I remembered what you said about the pics and am trying to find a pic that I had on disc, when I locate it I'll upload it. Might need a little liquid courage for that adventure lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousTue Dec 20, 07:35:00 PM 2005

    10 sounds like a good number. perhaps you narrowed a little too much out of utter low self esteem?

    -s

    ReplyDelete
  6. Chairborne StrangerWed Dec 21, 02:07:00 PM 2005

    2 does sound a bit low, as well. if you don't pick enough, you might have to start over.\

    ReplyDelete