MSGAP Manual for CS-Part One

Dear CS,

I perused your blog, in depth, this morning. I'm not a stalker chick, I just like to get a feel for the person that I'm barraging with wisdom. You've got a scampish attitude (translation into normal language = you're charming) and you write some damned fine stuff.

OK on to the good stuff:

MSGAP MANUAL

Congratulations! You've made a step in the right direction to getting your life in order. You've decided to start your own Multi-State Girl Advising Posse! What a thrill! This manual is a guideline and is not intended to be rock solid, be-all-end-all truth. The planet is a big place with many diversities, remain open and flexible when applying these principles.

There are only a few rules that you should keep in mind. A MSGAP should be treated with the utmost care. Think of them as a gentle pack of Magwai (MAHG-way) like Gizmo from the 1984 motion picture "Gremlins":

Rule 1- your MSGAP should never be fed after midnight (only exception would be for that occasional alcohol induced grease fest at the local diner-don't do this weekly otherwise your Posse may have issues with liver damage and high cholesterol-we dont' want a dead Posse now do we?)

*Sidenote-if you should hear a strange lullabye after consuming large quantities of alcoholic bevvies do not panic. This strange tune is the positive harmonics from your Posse. It's sort of like those mental waves that came out of Aqua Man's forehead, the kind that travelled like all over the planet.*

Rule 2- It's not good to expose your MSGAP to bright light. True, a sun-kissed flesh tone is nice and gives the impression of good health however there is that skin cancer issue. Plus it always gives the Posse "Devil Eyes" in photographs-ya know-that red glow where normal pupils used to be.

Rule 3- never...ever...dunk your MSGAP in water. The strength of the chlorine in the water might turn certain members of your Posse's hair green and you don't really wanna be getting advice from someone who resembles Sigmond the Sea Monster do you?

Rule 4- When in doubt, always poll your Posse. Getting as much GNI (that would be Girlie Nuggets of Information) will increase the depth of your own knowledge and depending on the size of your Posse, may provide quite a few options to base your decision upon.

You may want to post these rules around your bachelor lair in case you need them for quick reference. They may be photo-copied, reduced and laminated to keep in your wallet in case of confusion (produced from alcohol consumption see DWI Section)


CHOOSING YOUR POSSE

1- The ideal group should be composed of patient, honest and compassionate females that you've established some non-sexual bond with.

2- Their age is not important. Their wisdom and if they are willing to share it, is.

3- You must at all times feel comfortable discussing your life, in detail with at least one member of your posse. If you don't feel at ease then perhaps a MSGAP isn't for you.

4- Be direct and honest in your language with the posse. How can they help you if they don't know what the frig you're trying to say?

5- There is no numerical limit to members of the posse and over the years their numbers may increase and decrease according to your needs.

6- If you have a disagreement with a posse member, don't let the sun go down on your anger. It is in their nature to help you, sometimes we fumble and accidently thrust well meaning hands into the heart strings of a friend. Forgiveness is the key.

Part Deux coming soon CS.