Bad Hair Day

7:20 am-alarm pulls me from strange dream about Willem Dafoe being chased through an apple orchard. He was leaping like Superman over the trees calling, "Do you really need me for that?"

7:21 am-stare at the alarm clock in horror and wonder how many times I hit the snooze button because I have no memory of hearing the blasted thing go off

7:24 am-dash to bathroom using enough profanity to make paint peel

7:37 am-finish shower-do skin care-start to apply deodorant-stop when solid stick pops out of container and breaks into little itty bitty cake like pieces on the bathroom floor; realize I forgot to get more deodorant at the store and cringe-could be a stinky day

7:39 am-look at mirror reflection-I have the largest zit known to humankind on my face-while applying mascara I poke myself in the eye-realize I'm going to be blind and stinky

7:43 am-blow dry hair and begin renewed profanity; I'm in the process of growing my short hair to a longer length. The problem with this is I can do nothing with my Doo and now resemble one of the Bay City Rollers. I'll be blind, stinky and a dork. (See pic-dude in back, standing, wearing white-yeppers I'm sporting that Doo today)


7:47 am-hop in the Battle Beetle pop in some Dwight Yoakam, he tells me he ain't that lonely yet-amen brother I can dig it-sing along with him--kick on the after burner, praise the Universe for Dwight and the guy who invented turbo

8:05 am-arrive at my desk; get urgent e mails-Chowda needs a rental car ASAP; Miguel has misplaced his expense report-Travel and Expense Dept are breathing fire on him and I need to find the nearest extinguisher; my boss forgot to forward her phone and asks me to do it for her; someone left a coffee pot on the burner last night and the whole floor reeks of singed grounds; Danger Will Robinson Secuirty Breach-somone has stolen 9 reams of paper; the color Xerox is oozing green slime; Waylon Jennings is telling me about the only Daddy who will walk the line; Lurch has misplaced his DOD Security clearance card and they won't let him in the building-can I help him with this?

8:15 am-listen to Charlie Rich (I'm in full blown country music mode at the moment) tell me what goes on behind closed doors, sip tea; things could be far worse