Public Humiliation 101

There are times when I sincerely question my role on this planet...I suspect I am some twisted form of comic relief and that somewhere out there, somebody is giggling hysterically at my antics....

Saturday...plans to meet Mighty Mighty LD to celebrate his B-Day..I'm excited so I decide to take a nap so I can stay up late and party...bad decision, I wake up at 8:15 pm and I'm supposed to meet him at 9 in DC...it's OK, I can make this work, fly through the shower, call LD to let him know I'm on my way to the Metro station (about 30 min away from Granola-ville)...I get to lovely rain filled Montgomery county and anyone who knows me, and knows me well, is aware that I have absolutely no sense of direction. I get lost easily, I'm not sure why, I just do. The directions that I'd carefully gotten from Mapquest before I left are wrong. I end up near Adventist Hospital...call LD tell him I'm frightfully lost will find gas station and see if they can tell me 1. where am I??? and 2. where the hell is the damned Metro station????...it gets worse...find gas station (inside I'm shouting because something has finally gone right on this rainy icky night) and my tummy starts to rumble...walk in the station and ask to use the lady's room...get high school hall pass sized key chain and trundle to the rest room...answer the call of nature...walk outside and in a graceful fashion trip stepping down from the curb...but wait...there's more...The Fickle Finger of Fate was pointed at me and I sprain my ankle, it makes an audible pop as I land on it...people come rushing out of the gas station...I am, in a word, completely humiliated, truly I need an audience on this cold and rainy night, lost and disoriented, like a wounded Mastodon I try to regain my footing, no dice, my ankle is puffed up like a softball and the store manager, being the upright citizen that he is, calls an ambulance...yeah I need flashing lights and a blaring horn to highlight my lack of grace. The EMTs arrive and suggest x-rays because the size of my ankle has increased and looks kinda nasty. They load me into the ambulance...and take me to the hospital where I had been lost...I get the giggles...this is truly sick. I get lost, try to find my way out and end up back where I started, truly the Universe doth have a sense of humor. I look at my watch, it's midnight and I doubt I'm going to be able to meet LD for those very much needed cocktails. I go for x-rays-no break, just a bad sprain but I can't drive my car due to the melon sized foot I'm dragging around so the hospital calls my sister who lives nearby..*sigh* she arrives around 2 am, all sleepy, cranky and God I would've killed to have a drink at that moment. We go back to her house, I take a pain pill, pack my foot in ice and pass out. I wake up around 10:30 am to the screams of my nephew (he's in a wailing stage when he sees "strangers" namely me). I long to stick a fork in my eye and pray for a quick, painless death...nothin' doing. I am subjected to wailing nephew, sweet niece and mentally unbalanced brother-in-law for the next several hours. The swelling has gone down and my ankle no longer resembles a basketball, we go to CVS and get an ankle brace. At 2 pm she drops me at my car and I return home, pop some Tylenol and sleep. I am feeling like an idiot at the moment. I missed a very important day for my friend. Mighty Mighty LD I wish you a wonderful new year, filled with good health and prosperity.