Friday, The Drill Down

7:00 am-wake-up, shower, poof hair, apply make-up; feel pleased that I will arrive at work on time and pack breakfast
7:45 am-arrive at work, load copiers with paper, replace toner cartridge
8:00 am-eat oatmeat
8:17 am-Chowda comes up to my desk asking if I'd completed his expense report-tell him no, I've been a bit busy but will get on it ASAP
8:30 am-CS Director gets chatty at my desk and proceeds to talk to me about nothing for 45 min-puttin' me behind the proverbial 8 ball
9:18 am-car detailing guy comes up and collects keys for cars (we have a car detailing once a month in our office at discounted rates)
9:30 am-people being to arrive for MASSIVE and I do mean MASSIVE meeting-all 3 of my conference rooms are booked-solid baby
9:47 am-phone errupts and I can't leave my desk for 20 min while I work my operatoresque MoJo
10:00 am-Miguel asks me to help him bind some documents-I agree thinking it will be a quickie job-WRONG-he needs 25-35 page documents to be copied (on the Satan-Xerox-Color-Printer) to be punched and placed in 3 ring binders by close of busniess today
10:01 am-Chowda asks again if I've completed his expense report-"That's a negative Houston, no go on that last command." He growls at me and I tell him to bite me; he giggles at my saucy response and saunters back to his Office-Man-Cave.
10:05 am-hustle my big butt back to the copy room and commence "Binding Bingo" for Miguel
11:00 am- I am in copy room when food arrives for hunry hoard in the meeting-confused co-worker finds me, begs me to come to my desk where I witness the piles o'grub-I load it on my cart and deliver it to the masses who gaze upon me like a goddess when I trundle into the conference room.
11:15 am-scamper back to the copy room and continue on Miguel's project
12:07-administrative assistant rushes up to me requesting a new keyboard, hers is dead and she needs a replacement to finsish very important document by close of business. Assure her I have extras and we stroll to handy storage closet with one small catch (no pun intended) the key coded door won't open.
12:15-call security in Massachussets to find out why freakin' door won't open-am told I don't have access-tell security dude with the Oh-So-Sexy-Gravelley-New England Accented voice that I do indeed have access, I was just in there yesterday getting paper towels for the confernece rooms-stunned security dude apologizes and my day slowly slides into Stick a fork in me, I'm done-ville
12:30-admin assistant is having melt down-calm her down by borrowing a keyboard from my boss who is not in her office-am still on hold with Sexy Security Man-he's working the solution...ummmm yeah right
12:47-Sexy Security comes back on the line and asks me to go back and check the door again-I jog (yes run) down the hall and try the door-nothin' doing
1:00 pm-resort to chanting "open sesame" at the storage closet door-it refuses to budge
1:10 pm-jog back up to my desk where Sexy Security is on hold, advise him that an exorcism is in order-get me a priest because I need a man of the cloth to say, "The power of Christ compells thee" and cast out the Demon of the Closet Door
1:11 pm-Sexy Security nasal jets Sprite and giggles at me saying, "You are one funny lady."
1:16 pm-I blush and can't believe I'm flirting with this man
1:20 pm-my flirty pal pulls himself together and tells me that a higher power is in order, I'm transfered to his boss, who does not have a sexy voice and I'm saddened.
1:30 pm-Secuirty Boss can't figure out the problem either and tells me he will have to get back to me
1:37 pm-hang up phone and pop myself into "Hole Punching-Three Ring Binder Goddess" mode in the copy room
2:35 pm-finish Miguel's project and deliver large stack o' binders to his desk
2:37 pm-check voice mail-am informed that there will be a new hire starting monday and I must pack up stuff from one cubicle, ship it to the old owner then move someone else's stuff from a different cubicle to make room for the newbie
2:38 pm-my head explodes
2:40 pm-pull myself together with bankers boxes and pack stuff up
3:07 pm-Chowda finds me deep in the trenches of office moving, he opens his mouth and I tell him no before he is able to vocalize the question that he's already asked me earlier; he beats feet back to his office like a scolded child
4:06 pm-have finished my turbo charged moving session and put through requests to turn on voice mail and get a phone extension for Newbie
4:15 pm-eat lunch of yummie potato salad left for me by the caterers, they always leave me little treats
4:30 pm-get call from MD based security company-they want to send a rep to my office-they ask if I can stay a little late so we can get this door thing resolved-sure no problem-what's 30 extra minutes on a friday night right??????
6:00 pm-MD Security Guy arrives-we've got BIG problem
7:05 pm-problem semi resolved-must wait for monday
7:25 pm get home, walk through apt opening windows-stop dead in my tracks upon entering the den-there is a HUGE spider-like the size of my palm-I shit you NOT-hanging on my sheer curtains-I yelp and dash into the livingroom thinking if I can't see it then it won't get me-what is IT with me and the fucking animal kingdom? Birds and squirrels have all somehow been transported into my home (see previous post bout Mister Fuzzy Britches)-I can handle them-I don't do spiders
7:40 pm-this line of thinking is not working, I call my boss because in my frazzled brain I think she'll know what to do-right?
7:45 pm-wrong, she laughs hysterically at me, telling me to kill it with a broom
7:47 pm-I tell her I don't have a broom-I need A BRAVE MAN
7:55 pm-boss continues to laugh at me
8:00 pm-hang up with boss and wander outside looking for A MAN
8:07 pm-man-neighbor comes out of apartment-I pounce-BEGGING, CRYING, PLEADING for him to come kill this thing; neighbor takes pity on sobbing woman
8:10 pm-Man Neighbor walks into the den, "Yep, that's one big fucking spider, have you got a broom?"
8:11 pm-dissolve into tears-what IS it with the broom theory already??? does it make me a bad person for not owning one?? In between sniffles, "No I have no broom can I borrow yours?" He nods and pats my shoulder, "It will be OK, I promise."
8:15 pm-Man-Neighbor returns with the all-important implement of death-The Broom-greaaattt-now we can get down to business
8:20 pm-I leave room while Man-Neighbor does his thing, I hear girly noises and cringe-have I made a poor choice? what if the spider grabs The Broom and starts beating the Man-Neighbor-then I'm fucked
8:21pm-spider is dead, mission accomplished; I thank Man-Neighbor profusely and praise his courage as he picks up the bits o'tarantula in the den and flushes them down the toilet
8:30 pm-I need a sedative