Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Faith. What exactly is it? I know that I lack it and don't know where to find it. Webster's Dictionary defines it as: firm belief in something for which there is no proof. Doesn't seem like it can be bottled or found in pill form like a vitamin, so where exactly do I locate it? Many find it in organized religion but I'm not very interested in any organized religion (not that there's anything wrong with it-it's just not my bag baby). I think I used to have faith and am not sure when I lost it. I have an idea that there is a Higher Power, call it God, Allah, Buddah, The Force...it all boils down to the same thing. Take care of each other, don't kill anybody, try to lead an honest life, and celebrate the diversity that The Creator gave us. I'm still stuck in the quandry of where to find my lost faith. I am a practical person, so how do I believe in something which lacks proof? Others have found their evidence so why is it that I cannot see it? Perhaps my perception is fogged and if I'm patient enough it will clear. Patience is another one of my weaknesses. I try to be patient and end up over thinking and then get lost in my thoughts. It's a confusing cycle. Many have commented to me that it's a painful process to watch me wrestle with faith and patience so I have tried to hide it, thinking that I wouldn't be accepted because I struggle. I can't bury it anymore, it's become too big to stuff into a closet and needs to be pulled out into daylight. I'm not too sure where I go from here.

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