Random Sunday Thoughts

I've moved beyond "Saving Private Ryan" and into "Ultra Violet" mode, the "no touch" fight on the rooftop (if you've seen the movie you'll know what I'm talking about) with the Chinois Gou is now my reality. Constant twisting, turning, ducking in an impressive gymnastic dance of desperation to avoid a cascade of things being thrown at me. I have no time to think, just do and keep doing. I know in time things will improve and possibly get better, but right now I'm struggling to maintain. I'm tough, I can take it but can I sustain it? I constantly ask myself, " Why not cut and run for cover? What is it inside of me that compels me to gut it out when others would've left a long time ago?" I have no answer and am beginning to doubt my abilities and the quality of my work. Monday through friday I lose sleep, work 10-12 hour days and spend my weekends sleeping. This is not how I want to spend the rest of my days. I would prefer something a little more normal and suspect my time with my current employer will end once the office is moved. I have a conscience and to leave now would be ethically and morally questionable. It saddens me because I can make just about any circumstance work but the tasks I've been given push me far beyond my scope and I feel like I'm perpetually failing, fumbling and tumbling.

My long time Gold Fish companion Mister Finns died earlier this week...he'd been with me for 5 years...Fluffy the algae eater died a week before him. I have an empty fish tank with no aquatic pals. My bank account is almost empty, I have no social life and have slipped into a funk. In time I'll bounce back, I always do but right now, I'm feelin' kinda blue....