Lets Talk Some Shit....
Sometimes when shit happens you want to be able to articulate the experience.
Ghost Shit-
You know you’ve shit. There’s shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit-
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it.
Gooey Shit-
Has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit-
You’re all done wiping your butt and you’re about to stand up when you realize…you’ve got some more.
Pop A Vein in Your Forehead Shit-
This is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Right Now Shit-
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit-
This shit is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else’s house.
Wet Cheeks Shit-
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash.
Wish Shit-
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Snake Shit-
This shit is fairly soft and about as big as your thumb and at least 4 feel long.
Cork Shit-
Even after the 3rd flush, it’s still floating in there, MY GOD! How do I get rid of it?? This shit usually happens at someone else’s house.
The Crippler-
The kind of shit where you’ve been on the toilet so long your legs go numb.
Jack The Ripper Shit-
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair on your butt as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper-
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Frightened Turtle-
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Ring of Fire Shit-
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your butt feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Windy City Shit-
When you sit down and fart so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
The Never-Ending Shit-
It’s the shit that keeps running out of your butt. This always happens after eating at KFC.
Ghost Shit-
You know you’ve shit. There’s shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit-
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it.
Gooey Shit-
Has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit-
You’re all done wiping your butt and you’re about to stand up when you realize…you’ve got some more.
Pop A Vein in Your Forehead Shit-
This is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Right Now Shit-
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit-
This shit is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else’s house.
Wet Cheeks Shit-
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash.
Wish Shit-
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Snake Shit-
This shit is fairly soft and about as big as your thumb and at least 4 feel long.
Cork Shit-
Even after the 3rd flush, it’s still floating in there, MY GOD! How do I get rid of it?? This shit usually happens at someone else’s house.
The Crippler-
The kind of shit where you’ve been on the toilet so long your legs go numb.
Jack The Ripper Shit-
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair on your butt as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper-
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Frightened Turtle-
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Ring of Fire Shit-
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your butt feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Windy City Shit-
When you sit down and fart so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
The Never-Ending Shit-
It’s the shit that keeps running out of your butt. This always happens after eating at KFC.
posted by Bea at
4:54 PM
11 Comments:
Oh.my.god. ROFLMAO!!!!!
Bea, I am laughing so hard, tears are rolling down my face. My sides are literally aching from being double over.
Woman, you always can bust me up.
*wipes tears from eyes*
*giggle* thanks ladies, thought we could use a little humor!
Don't forget:
Camping Shit - The shit you take after you've been camping for three days that smells so bad you have to open all the windows in your house and leave. And you feel bad for not taking the dogs.
That's what I ate shit - The shit where last night's dinner is still clearly identifible. E.g. peanuts, corn, lettuce, kraut, etc.
You crack me up Bea.
LOL Oh yes the dreaded camping shit!
Oh you guys crack me up!
LOL! Thanks Bea! No matter how grown up I try to pretend I am, this $hit still cracks me up!
LMFO
Over the years I've learned that bodily functions are the funniest things on the planet-who does not break out into fits of giggles when farts/burps/bowel noises and movements are discussed?
Camping Shit? Oh good grief, I've never heard of that one??!!! lol
oh my, bea....you have out done yourself....
SBS, (grins) I do what I can sugar, lol I do what I can ; )
hehehehe glad you liked it Ro!
ROFLMAO- that's why I posted it!
HOWLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh that's a great line!!!!!!!!!
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