Angst Continues...
I'm still in that "Grey Area Place". You know that spot where you're unsure, confused and generally go from day to day in some kind of deep-sub-conscious-thought-induced haze. Lately I've been battling insomnia, last night I was able to fall asleep by 12:30. I've been awake until 2am most of this past week. Much on the mind, ya know, the whole "direction of my future" thoughts. Because working in an office is just not my bag baby. I envy people who come out of the womb and know exactly what they want to do, and then spend the next 50 years doing it-Christ that's got to be an easy feeling. I mean how do they know? Does an angel whisper it to them in a dream? Is there some hidden billboard which is visible to them and not to fools like me who flop around like a landed fish trying to figure out what to do with my life? I keep thinking that if I make my mind quiet enough, some inner voice (like James Earl Jones in The Lion King) will boom out of the darkness offering profound career advice on the next phase of my adventure. At the moment, nothin'...squat...nodda...silencio...I can hear damned crickets chirping in the twilight fields of my mind. How can one know anything without first trying it? It's one thing to research the hell out of a career choice but it's an entirely different experience to actually do it.
Ok so after I graduated from college (that would be when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and wooden underwear was all the rage), I've worked in theatre, health care, credit cards, God's Waiting Room Attendant, Office Goddess in the Technology Field, Office Goddess in a FUBAR company, moving on to a Possible Interesting Experience in Glorified Babysitting (exec asst to VP of Sales). At the tender age of 21 I never anticipated this much flux in my career path. I'm not sure if anybody really can forsee this kind of roller coaster action. Not that I'm complaining-I'd take the roller coaster any day over the merry-go-round. It's been a hell of a ride so far. I've learned much and experienced all kinds of things ranging from the exhilarating to the deeply tragic. The crux of the matter is that I'm not sure what to try next...like being really hungry and standing at a huge buffet-what do you pick? the sweet or the savoury? that nice lamb chop or those interesting collard greens? or perhaps that steak or maybe a nice wedge of lasagna?
So many delightful and interesting things to try,
but which one will satisfy?
Now I'm waxing poetic...*sigh*
Have not come up with the answer yet and am wondering when the spirit will move me onto the next phase...it's a huge circular thing...here I am going all kinds of Lion King-any moment I'll break into a rendition of Elton John's "Circle of Life" complete with me scampering-Simba-like-down the damned office hallway into a large growth of hideous plastic plants...can life possibly get any better than this?
Ok so after I graduated from college (that would be when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and wooden underwear was all the rage), I've worked in theatre, health care, credit cards, God's Waiting Room Attendant, Office Goddess in the Technology Field, Office Goddess in a FUBAR company, moving on to a Possible Interesting Experience in Glorified Babysitting (exec asst to VP of Sales). At the tender age of 21 I never anticipated this much flux in my career path. I'm not sure if anybody really can forsee this kind of roller coaster action. Not that I'm complaining-I'd take the roller coaster any day over the merry-go-round. It's been a hell of a ride so far. I've learned much and experienced all kinds of things ranging from the exhilarating to the deeply tragic. The crux of the matter is that I'm not sure what to try next...like being really hungry and standing at a huge buffet-what do you pick? the sweet or the savoury? that nice lamb chop or those interesting collard greens? or perhaps that steak or maybe a nice wedge of lasagna?
So many delightful and interesting things to try,
but which one will satisfy?
Now I'm waxing poetic...*sigh*
Have not come up with the answer yet and am wondering when the spirit will move me onto the next phase...it's a huge circular thing...here I am going all kinds of Lion King-any moment I'll break into a rendition of Elton John's "Circle of Life" complete with me scampering-Simba-like-down the damned office hallway into a large growth of hideous plastic plants...can life possibly get any better than this?
posted by Bea at
10:17 AM
4 Comments:
Honey, I hear ya!! I've been many things in my life and none seem to fit me. I didn't seem to get an angel or the billboard either. I am now standing, looking out and not knowing. It's almost like looking out into the fog, you know there's something beyond, but what?
I hope that you find something in your soul searching. In my insomnia, I will hold a good thought for you.
Hugs,
Sheri
I guess we'll be foggy together lol We'll both hang tough and eventually it will work out : ) I'll send some good vibes your way hon-hugs
Yup, you and me foggy. *nods* Not like that's new! ;o) It's the two flakes thing, it fits, doesn't it?
Ryan and I were talking the other night, I said, "I don't know what I want to do! How come some people just know?. I am at a crossroads, and I am a grown woman, this is just silly!" He said, "Um honey, we had this same conversation last year, in the summer on this very deck, sitting in these chairs, you drinking a coffee and smoking a cigarette" I said, "Oh dear Lord, you're right!" (he conveniently left out the part where he was throwing back the rye and coke)
So we made a list of all of the things I am good at and enjoy doing. I enjoy working with people, I am good at sales, I am outgoing, accounting is one of my strong points, I enjoy dancing. So I think I am going to be.....
A pole dancing shooter girl, who handles all of the other strippers money!!!!
Why not, it fits all of my stronger points -yes??
*cough* Ryan told me to think a bit harder.
Tsk..He such a party pooper!!
Anywhoo, let's just keep each other going and I know we'll both work it out. And notice, it's 5:09 am as I write this, I've been up since 4:00am. Flippin' insomnia!
Hugs.....ya Flake! :o)
LMAO there's nothing wrong with being a pole dancing shooter girl who handles all of the other girls money-it's an honest living. Hell I should've called you this morning-we could've done tea and "Early Morning Flake Chat" lololol I'm the walking dead now at work but then again it's friday and I don't really give a shit.
lol It will all work out and eventually we will drift off to the land of Nod. Hang tough chicken.
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