Saint Patrick's Drill Down
I had a blast at my baby sister Kell's place in the windy, chilly Lehigh Valley. For Miss Sara, The Drill Down:
Thursday 3/16/06
5:00 pm Try to leave work on time to avoid traffic
5:15 pm Fail in my mission because chatty regional director wants to tell me his life story
5:45 pm Escape from chatty regional director and run from the office building on cell phone, panting and huffing to baby sister that I will arrive late because I left my clothes at the apartment and have to dash back and get my stuff
6:00 pm Run (and I do mean RUN) up three flights to Casa Bea, open the door-sniff-sniff-I forgot to take the trash out-gotta be done otherwise it could get nasty in here while I'm away-take two bags of trash out to dumpster thinking neighbors must be busting a gut watching me jog through the parking lot with two loaded Hefty Cinch sacks
6:17 pm grab empty overnight bag and start randomly stuffing clothing, tooth brush, skin care items and dash around the apartment cursing myself for improper planning
6:30 pm leave Casa Bea in Granola-ville and begin three hour trek to Baby Sister's abode-thankfully I packed all the right tunes...a metal compilation cd, two special driving mixes I made and the ever popular with my nieces- Barbie Hot Picks (the angels will weep for you if you don't have this cd for little girls)
10:00 pm arrive at Baby Sister Kell's house; am greeted at the door by my nephew dog-Clancy followed by Kell bearing a glass of Guinness for me-I walk in and feel at home. Kelly and John's house is rarely tidy, this is not a slam. There are piles of children's shoes by the door, a small peg board hangs on the wall, three feet from the floor, a rainbow of little jackets, scarves and hats hang from the pegs. Her kitchen is chaos, but it's a warm unobtrusive chaos...filled with things that remind me that under this roof there is great love. Kid made Fridge art covers every appliance that a magnet will adhere to, piles of shiny stones my niece Mary collected, a Spider Man wrist cuff web shooter, bits and pieces of toys, Polly Pockets, stickers, glow in the dark necklaces, Matchbox Cars etc. It's a hodgepodge of childhood that my sister lovingly displays. You may be ridiculed mercilessly here but the people who dewll within are kind, generous and will move heaven and earth to be by your side when bad times arrive. The chaos in the kitchen indicates that life is messy-embrace it-welcome it into yourself and become stronger.
10:02 pm Hug Kell, lean down to sing to my Dog Nephew because that's what I do. He puts his paws on my shoulders and sticks his nose in my eye, sniffing all the while. Nothing sez lovin like a cold wet nose plastered to your eye lid. I have a Clancy song that I made up and while he's sniffing my ear I sing (to the tune of the Spider Man TV show theme song), "Clancy-pants, Clancy-pants...does a funny dance...'cause he's got ants in his pants"; I sing to him in my dog voice because anybody who has a dog or knows dogs always has a dog voice to speak to them. I finish my off key vocalization and thank Kel for the offered bevvie. Clancy wags his nub of a tail and we go into the family room for a chat.
11:07 pm Kel and I retire, it's been a long day
Friday-Saint Patrick's Day
7:30 am wake hearing metalic clanging noises and my sister yelling up to my niece Mary-school time
7:47 am trundle downstairs after brushing my teeth; my niece and nephew hug my knees, it's a nice start to the morning. Kell is having a melt down, evidently someone fed the dog silly string the day before and Clancy has had several colorful accidents throughout the house. I volunteer to take care of Mary and grab a coat to walk her to the bus stop-it didn't occur to me until we got there that I was still wearing my PJ's. One of the waiting mothers saw my powder blue bottoms with sheep on them and smiled, "It's ok, we all have those mornings." I felt like a moron. Mary giggled at me while I tried to look cool in my sleepy sheep PJ's, struggling to fix my Bozo the Clown hair. I waved to my niece as she hopped on the bus in her shamrock leggings.
8:07 am arrive back home and help my nephew Sam find a green shirt while Kell is still dealing with the electric blue dog vomit
8:15 am Kell asks if I think 12 pounds of corned beef is too much for 5 adults and 4 kids-they've invited some friends over for dinner-I tell her no, even though deep down I know that amount of food would feed a third world nation-the kids will be having that Irish favorite-mac and cheese
8:30 am We all pile into the mini van to take Sam to pre-school. On our drive we listen to a Disney cd and I giggle hearing my nephew sing The Circle of Life from the Lion King complete with botched African chanting.
8:55 am Sam has been dropped off and my sister and I watch QVC (it's a TV shopping network)-we're Belleek fiends and enjoy the pure corn factor as the TV hosts welcome Irish merchants peddling their wares to the US population. We drink our breakfast bevvies and giggle. Worthy items are purchased while cheesy stuff is made fun of and dismissed.
10:00 am Kell's hubby John calls from a business meeting in Boston to let us know he'll be home by 2pm; he ate wild boar last night; we make fun of him because he's in a town famous for seafood and he gets freakin' wild boar? (which btw ended up tasting like regular old pork)
10:17 am Kell goes into full blown shopping mode, aggressively buying stuff before her husband gets home. I howl with laughter. Actually, she's a very good shopper and is quite a bargain hunter.
Noon leave to pick Sam and his friend Charles (not Chuck, Chaz, or Charley) up-they get in the van shouting about leprechauns and are both wearing wide green paper head bands with large shamrocks around the tops of their heads, the shamrocks flop around as they buckle themselves in for the ride home.
12:18 pm we pull into the driveway and Charles shouts, "WOW A GREEN PUNCH BUG-COOOOOOOLLLLLLL!"; I about piss myself laughing. I ask him if he'd like to go for a ride. His eyes widen and he nods yes, I feel my status has been elevated from Weird Aunt to Auto Goddess. Charles is beside himself as I open the door and offer him the backseat. He and Sam are chanting "Punch Bug Punch Bug" and for a moment I fear a possible Lord of the Flies occurance. I tell them that because they're inside a punch bug that they can't punch each other, it's bad voodoo. Very seriously Charles asks what voodoo is and I tell him it's like a month without dessert. He gets my drift and buckles the seatbelt.
12: 30 pm-The Drive
Sam and Charles are chattering like a pair of magpies. Charles asks if I can open the sun roof-not a problem-it's brisk but doable; Sam, bless his heart pipes in with, "What kind of tunes does this baby have?" It took every ounce of control to not howl with laughter, after all, riding in a Turbo Punch Bug is a serious thing to a preschooler. Seeing that this was an important male-child rite of passage I popped in some Def Leppard and put the pedal to the metal. They boogied to Pour Some Sugar on Me as we topped out at 75 pmh (I didn't think it would be wise to let the Bug fly with two wee ones on board). Looking in the rear view mirror I saw that Charles was indeed having the time of his life and it made me smile. Sometimes the joys in life can be so simple. I backed the Bug down and pulled into the housing development, all car windows open, music blaring and two very happy kids exited when we stopped in the driveway. Charles shook my hand and thanked me like I was a foreign head of state.
12:45 pm Make Sam a hot dog and unwrap the half cow of corned beef; Kell brings the large Nesco slow cooker up from the basement and cooking commences
2:00 pm John arrives and we give him a hero's welcome. We quickly turn off QVC because it's imperative that he not know what we bought and how much was spent. I ask him about the large tarp covered object in the garage, he giggles and tells me it's the new Porche Boxter he got. We go take a look and I salivate, it's a fine piece of steel.
3:15 pm Mary gets home from school and Sam relates the earlier Joy Ride; Mary and her friend Allysin now would like a ride in the world famous Punch Bug-I can't resist. it's a repeat except we listen to the Barbie Hot Picks cd. I return feeling like a human popscicle, it's 40F outside and I crave heat.
3:45 pm Inferno Man aka John builds a fire (I call him Inferno Man because he once built a fire so hot it cracked the bricks in the fireplace-no shit) and we gather in the cozy family room to watch Finding Nemo.
4:00 pm Kell makes beer bread because in this family there can never been enough alcohol; I set the table; John rough houses with the kids, Nemo is discarded in place of Monster game with Dad
5:06 pm dinner guest Lisa arrives with two sons both under the age of 5; we sit down to dinner
5:45 pm Andrew, Lisa's husband arrives late-we give him shit which he ignores-he asks about the new car-John tells us that he got a new one because he didn't want to put new tires on the old Boxter-life can be so difficult eh?
6:30 pm dinner is over, kids tumble downstairs to play Power Rangers-adults move to the garage to further examine the fine piece of steel
6:37 pm go back inside house to check on wee folk and hear the thunder of small feet rumbling down the hall on the 2nd floor. Walk into foyer and gaze up...from the left side (my sister Kell's bedroom) a pink Power Ranger dashes down the hall-I recognize it's my niece Mary even if she's wearing the costume mask....next my nephew Sam, he's completley nude save for the red Power Ranger mask; he's followed by a nude blue Power Ranger (I can't remember his name) and the caboose of this rumbling train o'fun is a nude 2 year old-no mask (Lisa and Andrew's youngest)...all of the kids are howling with laughter and running pell mell down the hall. I start to giggle with them because the beauty of children is that it's not about who you are or the clothes you wear (or choose not to wear in this case)...it's alllllll about the fun. The other adults come in and we watch the joyful procession of kids jog down the hall for the next 15 min, laughing along with them.
7:08 pm children collapse in an exhausted heap while adults scour three floors trying to locate discarded kid clothes
8:00 pm Lisa, Andrew and two tired toddlers depart; Mary and Sam are bathed, put to bed and the house becomes silent...much fun was had by all
Thursday 3/16/06
5:00 pm Try to leave work on time to avoid traffic
5:15 pm Fail in my mission because chatty regional director wants to tell me his life story
5:45 pm Escape from chatty regional director and run from the office building on cell phone, panting and huffing to baby sister that I will arrive late because I left my clothes at the apartment and have to dash back and get my stuff
6:00 pm Run (and I do mean RUN) up three flights to Casa Bea, open the door-sniff-sniff-I forgot to take the trash out-gotta be done otherwise it could get nasty in here while I'm away-take two bags of trash out to dumpster thinking neighbors must be busting a gut watching me jog through the parking lot with two loaded Hefty Cinch sacks
6:17 pm grab empty overnight bag and start randomly stuffing clothing, tooth brush, skin care items and dash around the apartment cursing myself for improper planning
6:30 pm leave Casa Bea in Granola-ville and begin three hour trek to Baby Sister's abode-thankfully I packed all the right tunes...a metal compilation cd, two special driving mixes I made and the ever popular with my nieces- Barbie Hot Picks (the angels will weep for you if you don't have this cd for little girls)
10:00 pm arrive at Baby Sister Kell's house; am greeted at the door by my nephew dog-Clancy followed by Kell bearing a glass of Guinness for me-I walk in and feel at home. Kelly and John's house is rarely tidy, this is not a slam. There are piles of children's shoes by the door, a small peg board hangs on the wall, three feet from the floor, a rainbow of little jackets, scarves and hats hang from the pegs. Her kitchen is chaos, but it's a warm unobtrusive chaos...filled with things that remind me that under this roof there is great love. Kid made Fridge art covers every appliance that a magnet will adhere to, piles of shiny stones my niece Mary collected, a Spider Man wrist cuff web shooter, bits and pieces of toys, Polly Pockets, stickers, glow in the dark necklaces, Matchbox Cars etc. It's a hodgepodge of childhood that my sister lovingly displays. You may be ridiculed mercilessly here but the people who dewll within are kind, generous and will move heaven and earth to be by your side when bad times arrive. The chaos in the kitchen indicates that life is messy-embrace it-welcome it into yourself and become stronger.
10:02 pm Hug Kell, lean down to sing to my Dog Nephew because that's what I do. He puts his paws on my shoulders and sticks his nose in my eye, sniffing all the while. Nothing sez lovin like a cold wet nose plastered to your eye lid. I have a Clancy song that I made up and while he's sniffing my ear I sing (to the tune of the Spider Man TV show theme song), "Clancy-pants, Clancy-pants...does a funny dance...'cause he's got ants in his pants"; I sing to him in my dog voice because anybody who has a dog or knows dogs always has a dog voice to speak to them. I finish my off key vocalization and thank Kel for the offered bevvie. Clancy wags his nub of a tail and we go into the family room for a chat.
11:07 pm Kel and I retire, it's been a long day
Friday-Saint Patrick's Day
7:30 am wake hearing metalic clanging noises and my sister yelling up to my niece Mary-school time
7:47 am trundle downstairs after brushing my teeth; my niece and nephew hug my knees, it's a nice start to the morning. Kell is having a melt down, evidently someone fed the dog silly string the day before and Clancy has had several colorful accidents throughout the house. I volunteer to take care of Mary and grab a coat to walk her to the bus stop-it didn't occur to me until we got there that I was still wearing my PJ's. One of the waiting mothers saw my powder blue bottoms with sheep on them and smiled, "It's ok, we all have those mornings." I felt like a moron. Mary giggled at me while I tried to look cool in my sleepy sheep PJ's, struggling to fix my Bozo the Clown hair. I waved to my niece as she hopped on the bus in her shamrock leggings.
8:07 am arrive back home and help my nephew Sam find a green shirt while Kell is still dealing with the electric blue dog vomit
8:15 am Kell asks if I think 12 pounds of corned beef is too much for 5 adults and 4 kids-they've invited some friends over for dinner-I tell her no, even though deep down I know that amount of food would feed a third world nation-the kids will be having that Irish favorite-mac and cheese
8:30 am We all pile into the mini van to take Sam to pre-school. On our drive we listen to a Disney cd and I giggle hearing my nephew sing The Circle of Life from the Lion King complete with botched African chanting.
8:55 am Sam has been dropped off and my sister and I watch QVC (it's a TV shopping network)-we're Belleek fiends and enjoy the pure corn factor as the TV hosts welcome Irish merchants peddling their wares to the US population. We drink our breakfast bevvies and giggle. Worthy items are purchased while cheesy stuff is made fun of and dismissed.
10:00 am Kell's hubby John calls from a business meeting in Boston to let us know he'll be home by 2pm; he ate wild boar last night; we make fun of him because he's in a town famous for seafood and he gets freakin' wild boar? (which btw ended up tasting like regular old pork)
10:17 am Kell goes into full blown shopping mode, aggressively buying stuff before her husband gets home. I howl with laughter. Actually, she's a very good shopper and is quite a bargain hunter.
Noon leave to pick Sam and his friend Charles (not Chuck, Chaz, or Charley) up-they get in the van shouting about leprechauns and are both wearing wide green paper head bands with large shamrocks around the tops of their heads, the shamrocks flop around as they buckle themselves in for the ride home.
12:18 pm we pull into the driveway and Charles shouts, "WOW A GREEN PUNCH BUG-COOOOOOOLLLLLLL!"; I about piss myself laughing. I ask him if he'd like to go for a ride. His eyes widen and he nods yes, I feel my status has been elevated from Weird Aunt to Auto Goddess. Charles is beside himself as I open the door and offer him the backseat. He and Sam are chanting "Punch Bug Punch Bug" and for a moment I fear a possible Lord of the Flies occurance. I tell them that because they're inside a punch bug that they can't punch each other, it's bad voodoo. Very seriously Charles asks what voodoo is and I tell him it's like a month without dessert. He gets my drift and buckles the seatbelt.
12: 30 pm-The Drive
Sam and Charles are chattering like a pair of magpies. Charles asks if I can open the sun roof-not a problem-it's brisk but doable; Sam, bless his heart pipes in with, "What kind of tunes does this baby have?" It took every ounce of control to not howl with laughter, after all, riding in a Turbo Punch Bug is a serious thing to a preschooler. Seeing that this was an important male-child rite of passage I popped in some Def Leppard and put the pedal to the metal. They boogied to Pour Some Sugar on Me as we topped out at 75 pmh (I didn't think it would be wise to let the Bug fly with two wee ones on board). Looking in the rear view mirror I saw that Charles was indeed having the time of his life and it made me smile. Sometimes the joys in life can be so simple. I backed the Bug down and pulled into the housing development, all car windows open, music blaring and two very happy kids exited when we stopped in the driveway. Charles shook my hand and thanked me like I was a foreign head of state.
12:45 pm Make Sam a hot dog and unwrap the half cow of corned beef; Kell brings the large Nesco slow cooker up from the basement and cooking commences
2:00 pm John arrives and we give him a hero's welcome. We quickly turn off QVC because it's imperative that he not know what we bought and how much was spent. I ask him about the large tarp covered object in the garage, he giggles and tells me it's the new Porche Boxter he got. We go take a look and I salivate, it's a fine piece of steel.
3:15 pm Mary gets home from school and Sam relates the earlier Joy Ride; Mary and her friend Allysin now would like a ride in the world famous Punch Bug-I can't resist. it's a repeat except we listen to the Barbie Hot Picks cd. I return feeling like a human popscicle, it's 40F outside and I crave heat.
3:45 pm Inferno Man aka John builds a fire (I call him Inferno Man because he once built a fire so hot it cracked the bricks in the fireplace-no shit) and we gather in the cozy family room to watch Finding Nemo.
4:00 pm Kell makes beer bread because in this family there can never been enough alcohol; I set the table; John rough houses with the kids, Nemo is discarded in place of Monster game with Dad
5:06 pm dinner guest Lisa arrives with two sons both under the age of 5; we sit down to dinner
5:45 pm Andrew, Lisa's husband arrives late-we give him shit which he ignores-he asks about the new car-John tells us that he got a new one because he didn't want to put new tires on the old Boxter-life can be so difficult eh?
6:30 pm dinner is over, kids tumble downstairs to play Power Rangers-adults move to the garage to further examine the fine piece of steel
6:37 pm go back inside house to check on wee folk and hear the thunder of small feet rumbling down the hall on the 2nd floor. Walk into foyer and gaze up...from the left side (my sister Kell's bedroom) a pink Power Ranger dashes down the hall-I recognize it's my niece Mary even if she's wearing the costume mask....next my nephew Sam, he's completley nude save for the red Power Ranger mask; he's followed by a nude blue Power Ranger (I can't remember his name) and the caboose of this rumbling train o'fun is a nude 2 year old-no mask (Lisa and Andrew's youngest)...all of the kids are howling with laughter and running pell mell down the hall. I start to giggle with them because the beauty of children is that it's not about who you are or the clothes you wear (or choose not to wear in this case)...it's alllllll about the fun. The other adults come in and we watch the joyful procession of kids jog down the hall for the next 15 min, laughing along with them.
7:08 pm children collapse in an exhausted heap while adults scour three floors trying to locate discarded kid clothes
8:00 pm Lisa, Andrew and two tired toddlers depart; Mary and Sam are bathed, put to bed and the house becomes silent...much fun was had by all
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