Change of Heart
While on vacation, as I was strolling beside the Waterford River near St Johns I came to the conclusion that I'm going to ditch the E Harmony thing. I'm not ready to take the plunge because I'm not sure what I want. It's true I have bouts with "The Lonelies" but I need to distill what I would like. And if my neighbors don't stop their hound dog from braying into the night like a wounded mastadon I'm gonna have to get medieval on them. I have been so long on my own that I've grown accustomed to silence, being able to vacum the house in my undies, coming and going whenever I choose, the freedom of doing whatever I'd like to do is something I don't want to give up. I don't want to be one of those chicks who gets trod upon and squelched because "the boyfriend" doesn't approve, doesn't care and can't see beyond the realm of his own navel. I will never be on the cover of Cosmo but there are things that I've done that most women wouldn't dream of doing (this is a generalization of course). I'm not sure if I'm capable of a relationship beyond freindship at this stage of my life. I can always get a pet for companionship. Cats, dogs and fish don't concern themselves with the outward, it's the interior that counts. A happy loving cat trumps selfish boyfriend any day of the week. Eventually I might change my mind but for now I'm staying on the shelf.
posted by Bea at
8:01 PM
7 Comments:
i disagree. whole-heartedly. the MSPAP is putting their foot down. you must listen. you must obey. (could use a little backup on this too)
it sounds like you know EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT! you want someone who allows you to have your space. your silence and your alone time. someone who respects your opinions and has no intention of running you over.
it is your chronic low self-esteem getting in the way. you simply believe that if this person exists, he'd never be interested in you. this is the perfect time in your life. you DO know what you want and, more importantly, what you don't want.
you fear finding it. plain and simple. this new step has opened up your thoughts on actually finding something healthy. now, you're going to retreat back to the shelf because you're not ready to deal with that concept.
think about it.
Well, Anonymous gives a very valid point. You know exactly what you want. Perhaps it is a fear of finding it, and if you find it, a fear of losing it (although that might be a stretch). Don't let your self-esteem get you down. If your ideal mate is someone who doesn't need to be in your space every moment of the day but still enjoys spending time with you, someone who gives you your space and time and respects you, then by-golly go out and get it.
No one's saying that you have to sign a marriage contract on the first meeting with someone. All we're saying is give it a shot. Hell, even if you don't find Mr. Right, perhaps you'll find yourself a good friend. And, incase that doesn't work out, then you can always chalk it up to experience and go out and try again. I don't see this as a bad thing in any light. You just have to toughen up on yourself and just bite the bullet.
C-R-A-C-K!!!!
That sound was me slapping you in the head.
You are giving in to your fears, as opposed to facing them. That is not the path to the light side.
You will never achieve what you want without taking some personal risk. Is it scary? Hell yes! But many young padowin's before you have made the leap, and come out fine.
Don't let your fear rule your life. We already have enough of that going on in this world.
Remember, as Yoda says, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. That is the path to the Dark Side."
And that all having been said...
If you don't feel like dating right now, you don't feel like dating. You're allowed.
And deciding not to actively pursue something does not mean that you won't be open to opportunity if it crosses your path. You just may not be spending time seeking it out.
And that's allowed too.
But, then, what do I know.
S-after long phone discussion with LD last night, yes I know what I want and fear finding it-you're correct
Sara-you're right, there's no marriage contract and it can't hurt to gain another friend
LD-thanks for the smack in the head lol will be making some phone calls today to get help with the self esteem issue
SAS-thanks for reminding me that nothing is written in stone and I don't have to do anything that I don't feel comfortable doing-very good words of wisdom
well it sounds like you got all the answers you needed.
i support you, whatever you choose.
i still recommend eharmony though.
nothing ventured nothing gained!
Thank you so much for the support and wise words of wisdom. There are times when I get lost in the forest and I'm grateful for the compass that all of you provide. There's a great Lord of the Rings-Return of the King quote that comes to mind, "My friends, you bow to no one."
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