Adjusting to Change
Lately I've been terribly moody. Like everybody else, I've got some issues I need to deal with and I fear losing weight. I've been overweight since the age of 9 and I don't mean a bit chubby-I mean obese. Since October of last year I've lost the weight of another human being (135 lbs)-I am not complaining about this transformation, simply stating that the rapid speed and amount I've lost have me a bit freaked out. For the first time in my life, clothing is too big-this is a major adjustment for me. I cannot recall being this "thin" not that I've reached waifdom yet (not my plan), I've got roughly 30 more lbs to lose and then I'll be at my target.
I look in the mirror and don't recognize who I am anymore. In my mind I know that losing weight is good but there are times when this little voice inside of me asks, "Gee you've lost all this weight are you still you?". Part of me-being me-was the fat, the "right jolly old elf" if you will. I'm rapidly losing that fat, jolly old elf image and I don't know what to do with myself. For a good 20 years I always had a closet full of clothes on hand for when I'd gain/lose/gain weight. I took 4 bags of clothing to Goodwill over the weekend. Things that I will never wear again, now my closet is virtually empty. I used to look forward to winter because I could wear sweaters and not sweat. Now I'm constantly cold. I actually went out and bough thermal t shirts to wear underneath my sweatshirts and PJ's so I don't get chilly. I went out and bought a girly, fuzzy blue robe (that I wear over the thermals and PJ's)-why? Because it's soft and furry. I'm becoming a girl and it's a strange place to be lol.
I can no longer hide in food or alcohol- physically it's impossible. I get lit on 2 glasses of wine and can't eat refined sugars or fatty foods. I have tried eating sugar (white sugar, brown sugar, honey, molasses, corn syrup, high fructose cory syrup etc-natural sugar found in fruit is fine) and have made myself violently ill. The same goes for fatty foods, anything over 12 g per serving and I end up with severe stomach cramps and a rotten case of the trots. I must reiterate that I'm not complaining, in fact I am grateful that I was lucky enough to have this surgery. It really has altered my life for the better (must admit I do miss Popeye's chicken and biscuits though and there are moments when I'd sell my soul for a chicken fried steak). I don't think I prepared myself to embrace this much change in such a short period of time.
I knew but I didn't really know.
I look in the mirror and don't recognize who I am anymore. In my mind I know that losing weight is good but there are times when this little voice inside of me asks, "Gee you've lost all this weight are you still you?". Part of me-being me-was the fat, the "right jolly old elf" if you will. I'm rapidly losing that fat, jolly old elf image and I don't know what to do with myself. For a good 20 years I always had a closet full of clothes on hand for when I'd gain/lose/gain weight. I took 4 bags of clothing to Goodwill over the weekend. Things that I will never wear again, now my closet is virtually empty. I used to look forward to winter because I could wear sweaters and not sweat. Now I'm constantly cold. I actually went out and bough thermal t shirts to wear underneath my sweatshirts and PJ's so I don't get chilly. I went out and bought a girly, fuzzy blue robe (that I wear over the thermals and PJ's)-why? Because it's soft and furry. I'm becoming a girl and it's a strange place to be lol.
I can no longer hide in food or alcohol- physically it's impossible. I get lit on 2 glasses of wine and can't eat refined sugars or fatty foods. I have tried eating sugar (white sugar, brown sugar, honey, molasses, corn syrup, high fructose cory syrup etc-natural sugar found in fruit is fine) and have made myself violently ill. The same goes for fatty foods, anything over 12 g per serving and I end up with severe stomach cramps and a rotten case of the trots. I must reiterate that I'm not complaining, in fact I am grateful that I was lucky enough to have this surgery. It really has altered my life for the better (must admit I do miss Popeye's chicken and biscuits though and there are moments when I'd sell my soul for a chicken fried steak). I don't think I prepared myself to embrace this much change in such a short period of time.
I knew but I didn't really know.
posted by Bea at
1:56 PM
2 Comments:
Bea, I cannot imagine what this transition must have be like. You've lost more than I actually weigh. I am very proud of you. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy road, but you are travelling it. I just wish that I could be closer to you and hold your hand and I am sorry I'm not....
*crying a little bit*
You are stronger than you know and I've always known that about you. It takes something like to realise the courage and strength we have inside of us.
When you look at yourself, remember you're still the same beautiful, silly, smart, hilarious woman on the inside. It's just the outer shell that's changed, and oh how beautiful it must be!
I have lost 65 lbs in 2.5 years. I don't look the same as the last time you saw me, it seems neither of us do! (watch the next time we try to find one another at the airport we won't recognize each other!! lol) I look at my new healthy slim self and think, "MAN do I feel good, oh and do I look HOT ;o)
I also gave away bags of "clothes I might save, just in case" I realised that there is never going to be a "just in case"
Today I bought a pair of jeans that fit me properly - everywhere! Okay, okay they have to be hemmed, all my pants do! But what an awesome feeling.
Please remember when you're buying all that frilly, nice girl stuff, you are a beautiful girl, okay woman who deserves it!
I love you.
(((SHER)))) thank you for your support and love. I'm gettin' all misty here. HUGS and LOVE backatcha darlin' LOL Can you see us trying to find each other at the airport? LMAO I'll probably get on the wrong damned plane and end up in Cleveland!
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