The Mountain House

My baby sister Kel and my brother in alcohol John invited me to their vacation home in Roxbury New York. It's a quiet mountain hamlet-seriously blink and you'll miss it. It was lovelier than I anticipated.

-Sorry folks, I'm tired, cranky and can't figure out this goddamned mother fucking high tech freakin' camera.
The pics are gonna have to wait until I've gotten sleep and the temperature drops about 25 degrees outside. I'm gonna crunch some Rolaids and go to bed, I am not fit to be around other human beings.

Back from the Catskills

I'm back from a very lovely Memorial Day weekend. I've got tons of pics, piles of laundry and killer sunburn (I have very fair skin). I will try to post some pics but June is the 2nd quarter of this year and we all know what happens to me during end of a quarter. For the newbies, I tend to get a bit freaky due to heavy stress load. This week will be a bit rocky.

Be Careful What You Wish For....

OK PGH *ding-ding* Meme-Round 2

I was gonna save this until after I got back from vacation...lol...but I just couldn't resist.



1. If you could only repent for one thing when you die, what would you choose?
That I lacked courage

2. What are 3 things in your life that you feel you honestly deserve?
To be loved and appreciated for the woman that I am
Some degree of happiness; for without sadness there can’t be joy
A puppy

3. When was the last time you had to search most deeply for your inner strength?
My Mother’s funeral, it was the most brutal thing I’ve ever experienced to date.

4. How many simple things have you learned to appreciate more for one reason or another?

forgive others and ourselves-hey we all make mistakes-admit them, make a concerted effort not to do it again and move on

perfection in the moment-for years I operated under the assumption that things had to be “perfect” as time goes on I’ve realized that every moment in life is like a giant Leggo set; everything perfectly stacks-no need to worry about it being perfect-it already is

honesty-I respect someone more for being brutally honest (not malicious-there’s a huge difference) with me. Why? Because it takes a lot of integrity and strength to be honest.

5. What truth about yourself do you wish wasn’t so?
I wish that I wasn’t so hard on myself. I am truly my own worst enemy.

6. What is the biggest age difference you can tolerate between you and your partner?
Good Lord! In the past I tolerated a 20 year gap. I am not so sure I could go through that again, the whole death thing kinda devistated me for a while. It would depend upon the person. I generally try to keep relationships within a 5 year radius of my own age.

7. What is the most expensive thing in your clothing closet?
A vaccum cleaner-lol-no...um I own a very lovely green satin lingerie set that was terribly expensive-but it feels sooooo good wearing it lol

8.What is the fondest memory you have of your mother?
Christmas, she always made that holiday so very special.

9. What was the job you had before your current position?
Prior to being the Office Goddess that I am now I worked as a stage technician. Sadly there are very few people who really know what I did and as the name indicates, it’s too technical to get into. The closest approximation would be if you know what a Roadie does, not really the equivilent but similar.

10. Have you ever been sexually harassed at work? If so, what happened?
Um, yes. In my current position a rather sleazoid codger came up to me last summer and said, “Gee is it cold in here or are you just happy to see me?” while staring at my half rack. I looked up, rather grossed out and said, “No what you’re staring at is the lace pattern of my bra and I really don’t appreciate that comment.”
He’s in the process of being squeezed out by my office homeys who witnessed the comment. My boyz got my back. I thought Miguel and Chowda were gonna lay him out. I was mortified.


11. List 8 of your pet peeves

1. people who don’t wear some form of deodorant-please, please, please wear it

2. people who chew with their mouths open-I really don’t need to see half masticated food-really I will sleep better without those visions

3. people who don’t use turn signals-they’re in the automobile for a reason-lets use them and not cause an accident

4. women who wear entirely too much perfume-if I can taste it in my mouth after you walk by that’s too damned much-lay off the smelly stuff OK?

5. teases-both male and female-it’s cheesy, rude and grates on my last friggin’ nerve-not to be confused with flirty-there’s a difference- flirting is fun, there is reciprocation-being a tease stems from elevated levels of narcissism

6. not replacing the empty roll of toilet paper-drives me friggin’ batty

7. bad breath-ACK! here’s a Tic Tac-brush your teeth and tongue-kills the germs and makes breathing better for us all in the elevator

8. people who talk down to me-yes I have dippy moments, true I am not a rocket scientist but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid


12. What is one of your biggest fears and how might you overcome it?

My biggest fear is that I will never fall in love again. Irrational and highly illogical-jebus I sound like friggin’ Spok- but that’s what fears are. I don’t know if I will ever feel that kind of comfort again; where it’s OK to be myself-no matter what I do. Not a license to be a brat or unfeeling but that sense of acceptance is the best way I can describe it.



By the Power of Grayskull I tag PGH, SB and Rowan-I think you're the only ones who answered the original call lol If you don't want to participate I understand, these questions are a bit tougher than the first round however PGH you're not off the hook mister, so knuckle down and hit that keyboard!

I will be off line for a while. I'm going to visit my baby sister and brother in law at their house in the Catskils. I won't have internet access so in advance I hope all of you have a restful Memorial Day weekend. Promise I'll be back next week with another meme I've been working on and pictures of my adventures. Peace out y'all!

Let the Meme Madness Begin

OK It's alllllllll about The Meme today. Gather 'round kids and get those neurons firing:

The Questions:

1- Do people notice you when you walk into a room?

No, I tend to blend into the woodwork and I prefer it that way. I'm not good in crowds.

2- When is the last time you became unraveled?

God it's been so long lol I honestly cannot remember.

3-What are you good at?

I excel at putting people at ease. I'm a good listener and feel uncomfortable talking about myself with others. I'm a nautral caretaker.

4-What's in your pocket?
There's a wocket in my pocket-sorry a little Dr. Seuss humor there, actually my iPod is in my pocket.

5-What songs would you play to match these situations:

a) sporting event-Gary Glitter's Rock and Roll part 2-the NFL uses it all the time-it's a great song
b) party-Wille & the Hand Jive
c) when you're feelng depressed-Pour Yourself Another Cup of Coffee by Mike & the Mechanics
d) while driving or walking-You Ain't seen Nothin' Yet-Bachman Turner Overdrive
e) when you're feeling frisky- Feelin' Good-Nina Simone; Sunday Kind of Love-Etta James, Sadness-Enigma

6-Name 3 songs that remind you of playing when you were a child.
God I can't believe I'm admitting this:
-Da Doo Ron Ron-Shaun Cassidy
-Saturday Night-Bay City Rollers
-Copacabana-Barry Manilow

7-How would you spend a rainy holiday weekend?
safe, warm, cozy beneath a fluffy comforter, sleeping in late (whooo hoo 8:00 am!!), being allowed to take my time-no hurries-baking cookies or pies-in the winter sippin' some fine scotch in candlelight-curled up on the couch watching old black and white movies or reading a book with a nice bottle of wine

8- What song is playing right now?
Sugar Sugar-The Archies

9-If you could have a DVD/VHS of any TV show that you watched as a child, what would it be?
God, this is going to date me so bad. The Banana Splits, Sigmund the Seamonster and HR Puffinstuff

10-Name 5 songs that remind you of summer.
Outta Touch-Hall & Oats
409-Beach Boys
Boys of Summer-Don Henley
Walking on Sunshine-Katrina and the Waves
Sloop John B-Beach Boys

11-Name a food you can't live without.
ice cream

12- How do you like your eggs?
love eggs benedict but haven't mastered Hollindaise sauce; over hard or scrambled is fine

13-What kind of food are you?
Good grief lol I guess something spicy, Thai food-green curry

14-Are you brave or cowardly?
Tough question. I have my brave moments and cowardly moments. Overall I'd have to say that I've been cowardly and have a few things I regret.

15- What makes you lose focus?
a deep male voice, really good men's cologne, music depending on the situation, the unexpected

16-When is the last time you felt appreciated?
When Chowda and his g/f gave me a thank you gift. I never forget a kindness.

17-What is the weirdest thing about you?
lol hell I am all kinds of flaky lol I'm not too sure. I giggle a lot, my sense of humor is a bit off kilter. During Titanic I howled with laughter at the "Propeller Guy"”-I was the only one laughing at the time and my sisters were terribly embarassed. During The Wedding Singer-the scene where he's plastered at the wedding singing Love Stinks I was crying from laughing so hard. I'm not sure that's weird though, ok-at work I'm a neat freak but at home my apartment looks like a bomb went off. I'm a closet slob.

18-If like the newspaper you could have anything delivered to your front doorstep each and every morning, what would it be?
wow, if I could have anything delivered to my doorstep every day...hmmm..hugs, I would like truckloads of hugs delivered to me daily

19-Which month of the year describes your personality?
June- I am sunny; warm but not stifling.

20-Who is your hero & why?
My Mom is my hero. She raised three children on her own, managed to surive 15 years of hell with my father and the only thing that got in her way and ultimatley stopped her was an aneurysm. She was beautiful, flawed, creative and loving. To this day I have no idea where she got her strength, I am in awe of her accomplishments.

21-Name something (of non-monetary value) that you've always wanted but have never received.
This is strange but I find that I think about it quite a bit. I've never had breakfast in bed. It's something that I've always wanted.

OK I tag LD, PGH, Sheri, SB, Rowan, Me, Sara and Vi (you can post it on my blog since yours is a different format). Have at it kids LOL!!

Quote of the Day

This Ron White quote is a bastardization. I can't remember the exact verbage but about pissed myself when I heard him do this bit (From the DVD "You Can't Fix Stupid"). If you've ever seen Blue Collar TV or Comedy Central he's the guy that smokes cigars and drinks scotch. I adore this man.

"I'm amazed with all the technology we have today. We have surgeries... to correct supposed imperfections with our bodies...drugs to make your dick get bigger...Hell we even have small devices you can put in your ear to make ya hear better. But fellas... if you're basing a relationship on looks....remember.... you can't fix stupid; there is no surgical procedure or pill that can be taken for stupidity..."

A Sad Day Indeed

The day started out fine, calm blue skies, rather chilly wind but not arctic. Got into work, morning ran smoothly until Chowda returned from vacation. He was in Myrtle Beach last week with Lady Lawyer and came back to work lookin' all kinds of tan. He came up to my desk and huffed to get my attention. I could tell something was bothering him and asked what the deal was? His face got rather blotchy with obvious discomfort (for a moment I thought he was gonna fart or crap his pants) and presented me with a going away cadeau (gift). He used broken language, grunts and hand gestures as he told me about how he and Lady Lawyer picked out a rather nice silver bracelet and had it engraved with my initials. I wanted to sob but managed to not go all kinds of misty on him. It was hard and I spent the rest of the day feeling like this:

Homage to Bad Hair: The Mullet

I don't know what came over me but I felt compelled to do this. Bad hair has been around for ages and God knows I've worn some questionable styles. Maybe that's why bald men are sexy ? LOL Enjoy!




The guy who started this whole mess, our former commander and chief, President Polk














Sporty Mullet














Wrestler's Mullet

















Achy Breaky Mullet

















Femullet















And finally.....










Family O' Mullet

For PGH-Newfies

The Newfoundland breed-puppy sized



The BIG economy sized adult.

A Bit of A Rant

I dislike these dogs and wish they'd all go away. But Why Bea? Why do you hate these particular canines? I like dogs, but these aren't dogs. They're genetically engineered rodent like mamals. They yip-yap, bite any ankle in sight and are a general annoyance. My downstairs neighbors have one that they leave out until 10 pm and it makes entirely too much noise for such a small dog. I am convinced that some people should just not own animals of any kind. My space alien neighbors are that kind. The type of humanoids who themselves should be locked in a cage because they're so freakin' weird.

GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Guess Who?????

OK thursday is now Game Day on my blog. LOL Can you guess who this guy is???





I will be terribly impressed if you can tell me his name lol.

Famous Stripper Names

Just for shits and giggles:

Uma Thurman: Fantasia Velvet-Cheeks

Johnny Depp: Mimi Heaven-Bomb

Pamela Anderson: Princess Spank-Fire (LMAO like this is a surprise to ANYBODY??)

Nicholas Cage: Starr Leather-Side

Steve McQueen: Montana Sunny-Cream

Mischa Barton: Candy Leather-Thong (ok I'm choking with laughter now)

Katie Holmes: Raquelle Glitter-Tush

Random Tuesday

It's been a bumpy week so far. Got a ticket last night for running a red light and I'm down $75. I'm off my game at work and trying to get my A game back on. For some strange reason I can't stop listening to The Gypsy Kings song La Dona and have been playing it at ear splitting decibals. If you get a moment give them a listen. Their style is Rumba Flaminca (sp?) and if you've got a pulse you'll get into it.
On the bright side, a coworker's Momma cat had kittens on Mother's Day and I've decided to adopt one when they're old enough. It will be nice to have a happy face to greet me.

Your Stripper Names

OK some monday fun for us all!!! LOL I'm Sugar Glitz-Hooter. Follow the directions-if you feel like posting your name then by all means do so! LOL

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j = Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

Mister Fuzzy Britches

I must preface this story, it demands a preface. For some reason animals and small children love me. I am a magnet to them and I don't know why. Five year olds run up to me, hug my knees with abandon and beg me to join their tea party (or play Monster). Dogs, cats and just about every other creature in the animal kingdom pick me up in their radar and claim me as their own. I effortlessly become one of their pack, pride, herd or school. This is not a falsehood or an ego trip. If I get any more down to earth you'd have to grab a shovel to find me lol. The stories I've told on my blog are true, why reinvent the wheel?
'Nuff said
March 2005

A day off during the week.
I don't know what time it is because I like sleep. I am a heavy sleeper, rarely am I roused but on this particular morning I remember hearing a loud crashing noise. I wake partially and fall back asleep thinking that the trash collectors were moving down the alley behind my Baltimore townhouse. No harm, no foul.
Several hours later...
I trundle out of my bedroom (located on the 2nd floor in the back of the house) and into the landing. To my right is the bathroom, directly in front of me is the front bedroom that I'd made into an office. I rub the sleep from my eyes and freeze.
Is that what I think it is?
No?
Can't be?
There is a squirrel sitting on the arm of the rocking chair making "eee-EEEE-eeee" squeaky noises.
Panic races through me-WTF do I do with this?
(One of the reasons I bought this particular town house was due to the unusual bathroom. Instead of an electric ceiling fan vent there was a lovely skylight with a trap door at the top that could be opened and closed with a string that dangled from the closure. On several occasions I had birds fly in through the vent. Not a problem-throw a towel over the bird and take it outside to be released-clean up bird poo-easy-peasy-lemos-squeezie.)
OK back to Mister Fuzzy Britches sitting in my damned rocker....
I am standing on the 2nd floor landing in my wife beater t shirt and flannel shorts that are my sleep gear. I've got a bad case of bed head and am having a stare down contest with a squirrel. All of this without caffine is a bit overwhelming. Slowly I reach forward to shut the bedroom door-thinking that I can trap Mister Fuzzy Britches and contain him while I formulate a plan to get him OUT OF MY HOUSE! No dice- Mister Fuzzy Britches erupts in agitated chirping and I haul ass downstairs with visions of Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation (the part where he's got the squirrel on his back and doesn't know it).
Pacing downstairs I flounder trying to think who I can call...the police? Oh hell NO, not in my jammies. I'm not gonna go upstairs and face the Grey Menace to change clothes-NO WAY. I'll just have to be the bra-less wonder for the time being. The SPCA? Do they even do this kind of thing? A thought rolls through my brain-AN EXTERMINATOR! Great, grab the phone book, my hands shake as my fingers do the walking in the yellow pages. Pick up the phone, dial...ring...ring...ring....
"Pest control, please state the nature of your problem." the cheerful receptionist says
I babble incoherently ending with, "There's a squirrel in my house. Can you help me please?"
Visions of Mister Fuzzy Britches cavorting menacingly down my stairs enters my brain.
"OK calm down Miss, is the animal in the walls?"
I'm in tears, "NO you don't understand. He's in MY HOUSE, SITTING IN MY ROCKING CHAIR!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!"
Very sweetly she replies, "Hold please."
I listen to musak and try to get myself under control. Snot is running out of my nose and I've gotta pee, things aren't looking too good for Bea.
She comes back on the line, "Someone will be there in 10 minutes."
I thank her, and heap blessings on her offspring.
I pace the living room floor waiting for rescue.
There is a knock at my door, Exterminator Man Tom Cole has arrived. I will break Blog ettiquette by giving his name because he's a GOD and if anybody in the Baltimore area needs help-he IS your man.
I give him the full story, telling every gory detail about the Grey Menace in the rocking chair.
He pats my shoulder, "Everything will be all right Miss. Do you have a broom?" he asks
A what? Is he gonna sweep up Mister Fuzzy Britches' poo scattered all over the bathroom?
It took every ounce of strength to not reply, "Why yes I ride one around the house on Halloween and scare kids in the neighborhood."
WTF is he kidding me?????
Exterminators have all kinds of animal gear, protective devices, bombs, long poles that spray stuff into hard to reach places and this clown is asking me for a broom?
In a confused stupor I go to the kitchen and hand him the requested device.
I watch him go up stairs and listen.
Doors close, excited chirping, a window being opened, heavy boots on the hardwood floors, boards creaking, things bumping, REALLY LOUD chirping noises, sweeping noises?? WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON UP THERE??????
I gaze out my living room windows and see a small grey airbourne object land on my front lawn and scamper up the nearest tree. MISTER FUZZY BRITCHES IS OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom Cole comes down the stairs, hands me the broom, "No charge ma'am."
I thank him for the exterminating god that he is and watch him drive off.

Here ends the tale of Mister Fuzzy Britches.

Bea's Top Ten for the Week

It's an ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 80's weekend Casa Bea. Grab your shoulder pads, torn jeans, day glo t-shirts and hair spray kids. How can we forget those long gone days of Big Business, Big Drugs and even Bigger hair??!! ROCK ON with me!!!!
1. Rock Me Amadeus-Falco
2. Caught Up In You- .38 Special
3. You Got Lucky-Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
4. Everybody Wants You- Billy Squirer
5. Don't Pay the Ferryman- Chris de Burgh
6. Pressure- Billy Joel
7. Relax- Frankie Goes to Hollywood
8. Don't Cry- Asia
9. Take On Me- A-Ha
10. Twilight Zone-Golden Earring
This was THE coolest video, back in the day!

Friday, The Drill Down

7:00 am-wake-up, shower, poof hair, apply make-up; feel pleased that I will arrive at work on time and pack breakfast
7:45 am-arrive at work, load copiers with paper, replace toner cartridge
8:00 am-eat oatmeat
8:17 am-Chowda comes up to my desk asking if I'd completed his expense report-tell him no, I've been a bit busy but will get on it ASAP
8:30 am-CS Director gets chatty at my desk and proceeds to talk to me about nothing for 45 min-puttin' me behind the proverbial 8 ball
9:18 am-car detailing guy comes up and collects keys for cars (we have a car detailing once a month in our office at discounted rates)
9:30 am-people being to arrive for MASSIVE and I do mean MASSIVE meeting-all 3 of my conference rooms are booked-solid baby
9:47 am-phone errupts and I can't leave my desk for 20 min while I work my operatoresque MoJo
10:00 am-Miguel asks me to help him bind some documents-I agree thinking it will be a quickie job-WRONG-he needs 25-35 page documents to be copied (on the Satan-Xerox-Color-Printer) to be punched and placed in 3 ring binders by close of busniess today
10:01 am-Chowda asks again if I've completed his expense report-"That's a negative Houston, no go on that last command." He growls at me and I tell him to bite me; he giggles at my saucy response and saunters back to his Office-Man-Cave.
10:05 am-hustle my big butt back to the copy room and commence "Binding Bingo" for Miguel
11:00 am- I am in copy room when food arrives for hunry hoard in the meeting-confused co-worker finds me, begs me to come to my desk where I witness the piles o'grub-I load it on my cart and deliver it to the masses who gaze upon me like a goddess when I trundle into the conference room.
11:15 am-scamper back to the copy room and continue on Miguel's project
12:07-administrative assistant rushes up to me requesting a new keyboard, hers is dead and she needs a replacement to finsish very important document by close of business. Assure her I have extras and we stroll to handy storage closet with one small catch (no pun intended) the key coded door won't open.
12:15-call security in Massachussets to find out why freakin' door won't open-am told I don't have access-tell security dude with the Oh-So-Sexy-Gravelley-New England Accented voice that I do indeed have access, I was just in there yesterday getting paper towels for the confernece rooms-stunned security dude apologizes and my day slowly slides into Stick a fork in me, I'm done-ville
12:30-admin assistant is having melt down-calm her down by borrowing a keyboard from my boss who is not in her office-am still on hold with Sexy Security Man-he's working the solution...ummmm yeah right
12:47-Sexy Security comes back on the line and asks me to go back and check the door again-I jog (yes run) down the hall and try the door-nothin' doing
1:00 pm-resort to chanting "open sesame" at the storage closet door-it refuses to budge
1:10 pm-jog back up to my desk where Sexy Security is on hold, advise him that an exorcism is in order-get me a priest because I need a man of the cloth to say, "The power of Christ compells thee" and cast out the Demon of the Closet Door
1:11 pm-Sexy Security nasal jets Sprite and giggles at me saying, "You are one funny lady."
1:16 pm-I blush and can't believe I'm flirting with this man
1:20 pm-my flirty pal pulls himself together and tells me that a higher power is in order, I'm transfered to his boss, who does not have a sexy voice and I'm saddened.
1:30 pm-Secuirty Boss can't figure out the problem either and tells me he will have to get back to me
1:37 pm-hang up phone and pop myself into "Hole Punching-Three Ring Binder Goddess" mode in the copy room
2:35 pm-finish Miguel's project and deliver large stack o' binders to his desk
2:37 pm-check voice mail-am informed that there will be a new hire starting monday and I must pack up stuff from one cubicle, ship it to the old owner then move someone else's stuff from a different cubicle to make room for the newbie
2:38 pm-my head explodes
2:40 pm-pull myself together with bankers boxes and pack stuff up
3:07 pm-Chowda finds me deep in the trenches of office moving, he opens his mouth and I tell him no before he is able to vocalize the question that he's already asked me earlier; he beats feet back to his office like a scolded child
4:06 pm-have finished my turbo charged moving session and put through requests to turn on voice mail and get a phone extension for Newbie
4:15 pm-eat lunch of yummie potato salad left for me by the caterers, they always leave me little treats
4:30 pm-get call from MD based security company-they want to send a rep to my office-they ask if I can stay a little late so we can get this door thing resolved-sure no problem-what's 30 extra minutes on a friday night right??????
6:00 pm-MD Security Guy arrives-we've got BIG problem
7:05 pm-problem semi resolved-must wait for monday
7:25 pm get home, walk through apt opening windows-stop dead in my tracks upon entering the den-there is a HUGE spider-like the size of my palm-I shit you NOT-hanging on my sheer curtains-I yelp and dash into the livingroom thinking if I can't see it then it won't get me-what is IT with me and the fucking animal kingdom? Birds and squirrels have all somehow been transported into my home (see previous post bout Mister Fuzzy Britches)-I can handle them-I don't do spiders
7:40 pm-this line of thinking is not working, I call my boss because in my frazzled brain I think she'll know what to do-right?
7:45 pm-wrong, she laughs hysterically at me, telling me to kill it with a broom
7:47 pm-I tell her I don't have a broom-I need A BRAVE MAN
7:55 pm-boss continues to laugh at me
8:00 pm-hang up with boss and wander outside looking for A MAN
8:07 pm-man-neighbor comes out of apartment-I pounce-BEGGING, CRYING, PLEADING for him to come kill this thing; neighbor takes pity on sobbing woman
8:10 pm-Man Neighbor walks into the den, "Yep, that's one big fucking spider, have you got a broom?"
8:11 pm-dissolve into tears-what IS it with the broom theory already??? does it make me a bad person for not owning one?? In between sniffles, "No I have no broom can I borrow yours?" He nods and pats my shoulder, "It will be OK, I promise."
8:15 pm-Man-Neighbor returns with the all-important implement of death-The Broom-greaaattt-now we can get down to business
8:20 pm-I leave room while Man-Neighbor does his thing, I hear girly noises and cringe-have I made a poor choice? what if the spider grabs The Broom and starts beating the Man-Neighbor-then I'm fucked
8:21pm-spider is dead, mission accomplished; I thank Man-Neighbor profusely and praise his courage as he picks up the bits o'tarantula in the den and flushes them down the toilet
8:30 pm-I need a sedative

Yes a big bad bug has got me down but not for long. I'm home today fighting some kind of virus...I won't go into the gory details but rest assured my toilet and I have become fast friends.

I cannot take credit for this but it sure as hell cheered me up on this dank, drab rainy Maryland monday....

Things this week keep going from bad to worse.

Me....Today

This is me getting my ass handed to me on a plate today-note my long flowing locks and profusion of facial hair. I want to go home right NOW!