It's 5:27 pm EDT and I'm still at work. I'll be here until midnight processing incoming orders...I am the only woman in the office and fear that I will somehow contract testosterone poisoning. If i start walking with a manly swagger, adjust myself in public, start chewing with my mouth open and occasionally spew food at the dinner table please call the nearest hospital and get me treatment. *sigh* it's going to be a loooooonnnnnnngggggg night.

Bit of a Rough Patch

Thought I'd check in during my lunch break...things are a bit rocky at the moment. At 5 min to 5pm yesterday I found out (by accident) that both of my sales teams were heading out for cocktails and I'd not been invited. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me.

The Plunge-Yet Again

Ok last night, I did IT! Worked up the nerve and am now a member of Onion personals (thank you Mighty Mighty LD). I'm still working on my profile and am looking forward to the fun. Have to hop off now and get onto my afternoon revenue conference calls. More later...

And so it begins...

End of Quarter Madness has begun at work and next week will be my solo experience with the new position. I'm feeling more confident after receiving training but there's still a lot more to learn. I will be working long and late hours but I'll try to post.

Went to see "300" again this morning-lol. I know, I know, I know...let it GO Bea, just let it GO. Every time I see it there's something new, something that I missed and I like the fight sequences. Before the show began a woman walked in carrying her 2 year old daughter and I was rather shocked. This film is rated R-that means it's for big folks; there's beheadings, lots of blood, lots of violence and I'm not so sure a 2 year old should be viewing it. I fear for children being raised by parents with the IQs of grapes. As Ron White so aptly stated, "You can't fix stupid. There's no pill or surgery that can alter stupidity."

It's cold, damp and icky here and I want some spring weather pronto. It's invigorating when green grass shoots up from the ground and geese can be heard making their treck back north. Jack the Wonder Kitten has a wicked case of spring fever and has begun dashing 'round the apartment like some mini crazed tiger. I'm longing to plant flowers on my patio and can't wait to see gardens in bloom.

Fortune Cookie

The message in my fortune cookie last night.

"Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backwards."

Scary...but true.

St. Patrick's Wrap Up

Actual transcript of my phone conversation with baby sister Kel yesterday....

(Irish music playing at Kel's house)
KEL*singing* : Whiskey whiskey, dancin' whiskey...
ME *laughing uncontrollably*: Are you trying to sing Whiskey whiskey, Nancy, whiskey??!!!!

This is the same woman who thought Golden Earring's Radar Love was "red-eyed love" until my brother-in-alcohol corrected her.

I love my sister, she's one of the most entertaining people I know.

Went to see another showing of "300" earlier today. This time I did not spend my time drooling over beefcake. Actually did not stare at Mister Butler's thighs the entire time. The fight sequences are really amazing and I like the grainy/gritty quality of the film (very similar to the way Sin City looked but not as film noir-in a Maltese Falcon kinda way). It's refreshing to see heros with wrinkles, scars, bad breath, and grunge...a reminder that flawed heros are the best kind.
**SPOLIER ALERT-STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE FILM**
My personal favorite scenes:
-when the Spartans are hunkered down defending the Hot Gates-Hoo Yah!!! (The first attack sequence-after the partial sinking of the Persian fleet-the "come and get it scene")
-the "stop action" fight sequences of Leonidas with the shield and pike, followed with an utterly graceful short sword work out

I think I'll go see Ghostrider tonight before the full impact of End of Quarter madness sets in and I become a blithering idiot. While snacking on pop corn I took note of some up coming films I'd like to see..

Pathfinder-because this girl can't get enough of men with swords hacking away at each other

The Reaping-I'm generally not a Hilary Swank fan but I have an affinity for apocalypse themed films (The Seventh Seal and Constantine are two of my favs). There's something about having faith and saving humankind that appeals to me.

Oh and the new Will Ferrell movie-the ice skating one-looks like complete nonsense and fluff-my kind of humor. Taladega Nights it just too damned funny for words!!

I've also been thinking about trying the on line dating thing again and I need some help from The Posse. Was wondering if y'all could e mail me with what you think are my best and worst traits-honesty would be deeply appreciated. I'm trying to write a profile and am having considerable difficulty being objective.

300-For the Ladies Only

On a good piece of advice from Mighty Mighty LD I went to see Frank Miller's "300" tonight and I must say it was not a disappointment-that is if you enjoy watching buff, scanitly clad Spartan men go all kinds of cave man (OH.MY.GOD. banging head against desk). 30 minutes into the film I wanted all 300 to come to my house so I could give them bubble baths-it was-dare I say it-a religious experience and Gerard Butler who plays King Leonidas has thighs that must be seen to be appreciated. Ladies-if you don't mind an interestingly filmed action flick with a bit of grunge I would highly reccomend this piece of work. My ovaries went into overload and still haven't recovered (I had hot flashes when good King Leonidas flashed some buttock-had to fan myself).
The soundtrack is quite good (in fact I've got it playing as I type). Costuming wasn't purist Greek-but then again with the testosterone level of the film-who the frig really cares about about fabric draping when you can watch a football field of 6 pack abs and rock solid biceps? I'm going to see it again tomorrow.

Makes me wanna whip out my light saber and get down to business!

It's good to be home and The Pirate took excellent care of Jack the Wonder Kitten. I've got more training in April and will contact a pet sitting service. Don't feel right imposing on others and feel that I somehow indirectly bashed some of The Pirate's private schedule. It's a difficult adjustment, relying on others-not something that I'm used to. I always feel like I'm a pain in the ass.

Bye Bye Richmond

Tomorrow my stay in lovely Richmond VA will end and I will return to Granola-ville in all of its politically correct crunchy goodness. Tonight's restaurant review-The Cracker Barrel-never having been to one I thought I should experience it once before I died. I now know why it is a favorite of the geriatric set- the food lacks flavour, presentation and it's cooked to death. I ordered the roast beef and got what I refer to as Yankee Pot Roast. There was a bright spot in the evening-the southern fried menu offered no sugar added apple pie with no sugar added vanilla ice cream. It's amazing what a little comfort food will do to brighten one's day. I felt almost normal after nibbling on the pie a la mode.

Can't wait to see my little-lump-a-sugar (Tuna-Breath-Jack) and sleep in my own space. Travelling is cool, interesting to see how others live, experience cultural differences etc. but I'm homesick and would really like to see a familiar happy face.

Random Thoughts

I had dinner with Arthur again tonight however I refrained from consuming my fav (Kendall Jackson Cab) and chose instead a generic Woodbridge chardonnay. Tried to eat the worst grilled chicken salad known to human-kind but couldn't do it. Ate a dinner roll instead. There was no charming 3 year old to flirt with and I have sworn off menfolk for the rest of my life so I sat there and pondered in silence. Today was the last day of employment for a co-worker and even though I was out of the office I ordered lunch for her-why? Because I am a kind, thoughtful and generous soul. I was rather insulted that she didn't want me to buy her lunch, she felt like she was taking advantage of my generosity. I explained that there is no price tag on a good memory and that was my intention. To create a good memory out of a bad experience for her. So I spent some cash and wasn't in the office to partake of the goodies-sometimes that's not what life is about, sometimes there is more. I silently asked Arthur if he was in agreement with me, no response from the 8 foot mural-just like a wall painting-not a word! Yes I know I'm generous to a fault but in all honesty (and that's what this blog is about-being myself) is $26 really going to matter in the grand scheme of things-I mean it's not like I'm going out and spending buckets of ducats on bling and other fanciful stuff. Is there really a price tag on making someone happy? Rephrase that-lets go within reason-is there a price tag for making someone feel special? (Ruling out the secret wish for a Porche, 1 carat emerald cut dimaond ring, and a vacation house on the shore)

Moving on...
I'm missing Jack the Wonder Kitten something fierce. There is no replacement for the unconditional love, loud purring and small portable heat that he supplies. I feel like such a panty waist for admitting that a small orange fur ball has become the center of my universe. I actually went to a pet store and bought him gifts. Dorothy was right, there is no place like home and I want to be there now.

Richmond Continued

OK I'm sitting beneath Arthur tonight (that would be Mister Ashe-tennis pro extraordinaire)-you know the 8 foot mural in the restaurant next to my hotel-anyway-after the wine I've consumed I feel certian that I will wake up tomorrow morning with a head that's been tapped with his 7 foot tennis racket.
Life in Richmond isn't too bad. Jack the Wonder Kitten is being cared for by The Pirate and for some odd reason I find this strangely comforting. The man has the sweetest smile (great laugh too) and I sense that beneath that Hollywood exterior there lurks the heart of a wonderful human being which is why I've entrusted him with the care of my most precious treasure (sweet Tuna-Breath-Jack).

Yep, am a tad tanked. One of the drawbacks of gastric bypass surgery is that alcohol enters your blood stream much faster. I now get almost blotto on 2 glasses of wine-needless to say I'm feeling mighty, mighty fine. Had the "cedar planked salmon" which was a bit disappointing however I did get to help The Pirate which made me feel good. See since I started "The New Position" I've been feeling rather useless, witless, brainless and rather down. I do know things, just not things that will help me with the new job. So if I can help someone it must mean that I am not a complete and utter brain case. I'm wired to assist, that's what I do. I'm a lifeline so it's rather disconcerting to be in need of one. Right now The Bee Gees are playing on my iPod telling me that they're Paying the Price of Love (nothin sez lovin' like the Brothers Gibb in my book) and I'm inspired to dance-I feel some Parking Lot moves coming on...beware...kick ball change...head flip and all that fun stuff. Don't think the Holiday Inn folks would appreciate my moves in the parking lot but the bus load of senior citizens might join in the fun...tricky indeed!
Moving on....
Yes I strayed... forgive me my stupidity
Bacon called on friday for a possible Booty Call and idiot that I am fell for it until he blew me off and cancelled. I am done with Breakfast Foods-NO MORE! I ask you gentle reader-what is a 30 something woman to do?
Drink heavily is what I came up with too, we must have a mind meld going on here.

I'm down with Bacon damnit! Menfolk are truly lovely to gaze upon...intriguing, witty, colorful but utterly beyond my comprehension (and I just finished a Carl Sagan book so this is some heavy shit we're talking about here).I give up, game over, beam me up Scotty!!!

Greetings from Richmond VA

I'm in Richmond VA for training this week-oh what fun it is to ride in a lime green VW Bug! I'm booked in a lovely Holiday Inn Express with a massive king size bed lol I giggled when I saw it. I feel like I'm sleeping in a big cloud.

Training has been going well. Am beginning to feel like I might have some kind of a clue. Ate at a restaurant last night with a large mural of Arthur Ashe (the tennis pro) and drank a little too much wine with dinner. Kept staring at Mister Ashe wondering if he was gonna bonk me on the head with a 7 foot tennis racket...the things red wine will do to you... go figure.

Spent my lunch hour today at another restaurant flirting outrageously with a 3 year old boy. He mashed fries through his teeth, we giggled at a Silk soymilk commercial with talking cows and he blew kisses at me. It was a fun lunch and again had the strange urges to bear a child-what the hell is my problem?

I miss Jack the Wonder Kitten and can't wait to get home. There is no replacement for the friendship and comfort that only tuna-kitten-breath at 5:30 am can bring.

Big shout of thanks to Mighty Mighty LD and Les Canadiennes (sp?) for your unwavering support and love-THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would be out in the cold, flying blind without you.

4 Things You May Not Know About Me

4 Things you may not know about me....
brought to you by Miss Sara-and I tag all of you reading this go post yours!

Four places I have worked:
1. HersheyPark
2. McDonalds
3. Weinberg Center for the Performing Arts
4. Parlights

Four places I have lived:
1. Waltham MA
2. Newark DE
3. Frederick MD
4. Shelbyville, IN

Four TV shows I love to watch (I cannot afford cable but when I had it):
1. Lost
2. The Original CSI (although Gary Sinese is a stud puppy)
3. Sex and the City
4. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Saint Johns Newfoundland
2. Roxbury, NY
3. Kissme FL
4. Ocean City, NJ

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Turkey Hill No Sugar Added Dutch Chocolate Ice Cream
2. BBQ beef brisket
3. any form of Thai food-except the deep fried stuff
4. Dungeoness (sp?) crabs

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On a beach with a cocktail in hand
2. in the mountains with a cocktail in hand
3. discussing life with Carl Sagan
4. snuggling with someone (other than Jack the Wonder Kitten and Pooh) in bed

Thought Some Humor Might Be In Order

Got this from Sher and had to pass it along:

AN INTERESTING BUT NOT TOO SURPRISING STUDY....

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry
has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive
on a man can differ depending on where she is in her
menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she
is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she
tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged
in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.
No further studies are planned

The Ides of March

Things seem to be going from bad to worse in my neck of Granola-ville these days.

Yesterday, in the middle of doing my morning reports I snapped.
I sat there for 2.5 hours second guessing myself and wondering if I was ever going to adapt.
I'm stressed, I bite co-worker's heads off, have become a bit of a dragon and dislike myself very much by the end of the day. For fun factor this rates right up there with my mother's funeral and I don't want to live my life this way.
So I got up from my desk, packed up all my shit and hauled it out to the Battle Beetle-enough-game over-time to be the coward and run for cover (No I don't have another job lined up-this tells you the mental state I'm in). On my way back in for the second load (I have a lot of shit at my desk) I was stopped by a colleague hell bent on intervention. We spoke at length regarding my career woes which I will not air on this blog. During the First Intervention a District Manager from another department came over and asked to speak to me when I'd finished with Intervention #1. Did not want to go speak with District Manager but feld obligated because intrinsically, he's a good man and I've enjoyed working with him; you've gotta give everybody the benefit of the doubt.

Spoke to well meaning DM at length about career woes (was convinced to stay), went back to my desk, sat down, cried for 20 min (not easy for me to do, crying in public is not my bag baby), was interrupted by my boss trying to reach me by phone (which I didn't answer) and IM (which I did respond to in fragments and monosyllabic verbage), was interrupted by overjoyed work colleague who has gotten a new job offer (wanted to punch a hole through her chest-not really am glad she's leaving), and finally left the building.

Came home, did more crying-so much that I now resemble Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Spoke to concerned boss last night and will work on issues this week and next week. Am not feeling very positive about it, am losing faith big time and don't know where to go for help. Under normal conditions I can adapt rapidly but for some reason I'm having difficulty translating and moving forward. Haven't been able to digest a meal all week (total weight loss this week 7 lbs), am losing my hair because I'm not eatting enough protein, have been waking between 3:30 am-4 am, am dog assed tired by 4:00 pm and wondering if I haven't just made the biggest damned blunder in my life to date.

How can I help the people I support if I don't know what I'm doing. It's my job and I'm flying blind, m'aidez, m'aidez, m'aidez this is Bea requesting some fucking assistance m'aidez, m'aidez, m'aidez....