Adventures in Home Ownership

It's saturday, rainy and I promised the real estate agent that I would finish the home improvements before the house goes on the market. This means that in roughly two days I have to paint the paint the bedroom, scrape paint from the bathroom ceiling, fill the hole in the bathroom wall where the old toilet paper dispenser used to be, scrape the caulk from the tub and replace it, and finally repaint the bathroom. For one person this is a lot of work and I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I really want sell the house as quickly as possible so I'm going to stop talking about stuff and just go do it.

Movie Quote of the Day

"At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can." - Frida

....Okay I'm a bit bored. I've got 2.5 hours to go and I've been watching the Squid Cam on the Discovery Channel site and the Penguin Cam at the Monterey Zoo in California...can you tell I've reached an all time low in being able to entertain myself? I mean I love calamari but watching that little dude zip all over the screen has made me rethink my devotion to those yummie bits o'squid. I have a feeling that I need to get out of here and quick (giggle).

I'm beginning to think that the people that I'm working for are rather desperate for help. So far three people have asked for my resume as they've cruised by the desk. I'm going to take this as a good sign.

Oh and can I just add here that Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds????? Has Speilberg lost his mind?

Movie Quote of The Day

Charles: "It is dangerous! You know there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection-yech!"

-Four Weddings and a Funeral

First Day O'Work

Whooo Hoooo! It's 8:30 am and I'm on my first temporary assignment. I've been told that it will be slow today which is why I'm doing the blog thing. I cannot remember the last time I woke up at 5:30 am for the morning rush hour around Baltimore's Beltway, which by the way is still as goofy as ever. Nothin' like sitting in traffic slurping Earl Grey Tea at 7 am listening to all the accidents on the radio traffic report. I got permission from my boss before doing this so it's all approved and I'm not being a horrid employee.

I spoke to my sister last night and it occured to me that I am very fortunate. I have a sister that loves me. When I was growing up I thought she hated me because she would always walk faster than I could (we're twins-she's 19 minutes older than I am) walking to and from school. She was smarter and more popular, hung out with all the "cool" people in high school, was a cheerleader-she was the opposite of me. I was the "theatre geek", the loner, had a small defined circle of friends that I rarely deviated from, I was a horrid student and never really applied myself. And so after all these years I've learned that she never hated me and in fact loves me very much. I guess things appear differently when you're older. I never knew that she cared so much, and it humbles me. I was not aware that there was so much emotional support around me-D'OH- Pulled a "Homer" on that one.

So the real estate agent is coming on friday to look at Casa Bea to tell me:
1- What I have to do to get my house sold
2- The price of the lovely, yet repair ridden house
We'll see what happens.

Movie Quote of the Day

Ted Striker - "Surely you can't be serious."

Rumack - "I am serious...and don't call me Shirley."

-Airplane!

Movie Quote of the Day

"I...am The Waffler. With my Griddle of Justice, I bash the enemy in the head or I burn them. I also have some Truth Syrup which is low fat." - Mystery Men

Temporary Employment

I had a four hour job interview today with a temporary employment agency. I have temped before in the past and thought this might be a solution to my lack of funds. I arrived early and was put through a gauntlet of tests and paperwork. I understand that they need to know my skill levels but some of the questions on these tests are just goofy. I spoke to a terribly nice recruiter who took a peek at my resume and glowed-I took this as a good sign. We chatted for about a half hour and then another grueling bout of testing. My brain has turned to oatmeal.

Overall, it went well. There seemed to be a positive vibe and they were impressed with my typing skills. They were even more impressed when I told them that the only word processing software I had is 10 years out of date. I sheepishly told the recruiting professional that I would have purchased a much needed upgrade if it didn't cost so much-thank you Microsoft. I totally understand the need to make a living, to survive, but it really irritates me that the above mentioned company's software is so bloody expensive. Is it really about being able to pay bills or is it about greed and taking advantage of people? I'll never understand the corporate world and I'm not sure I want to try. I think it would be advantageous (sp?) for them to lower the price, then they wouldn't have to worry about people pirating their software-make it affordable and people will buy it.
ARG! I've got a headache.

I also called my real estate agent to sell the house. She's dropping by on wednesday for a walk though so we'll see what happens. This house is the only thing keeping me in the greater Baltimore area and I'd like to ease on down the road. I'm getting old and a rolling stone gathers no moss.

Movie Quote of the Day

"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than building relationships around her?" - Le Fableux Destin d'Amelie Poulain

I had an odd day today. I was working on a story that I've been writing and something dawned on me. This thought rumbled at the back of my brain while I stubbornly banged away on the keyboard until I had to stop...

I thought about all of the people that I've made friends with over the years and how I either lost touch with them or somehow managed to push them out of my life. It occured to me that I can count my close friends on one hand with a couple of fingers left over and I wondered how it became that way. I've had the opportunity to meet and work with some truly amazing individuals, many that I still respect and admire. So why aren't they in my file anymore? Am I too lazy to maintain the relationships? No, I do try to stay in touch with close froends on a weekly sometimes daily basis depending on the person. I will admit to having bouts of laziness and phone screening because I sometimes just want to be alone. In other cases I've moved far away and I don't want my phone bill to become the size of our national debt. Does it mean that I'm a bad person? No I don't really buy that. I am flawed but I'm not the Anti-Christ. Do I have bad breath or BO? No I bathe and shower regularly. And don't even go to that place of my fashion choices. I don't really care what people wear as long as their comfortable. So why is it that you push people away? I think it boils down to our old buddy Fear. I tend to be a private person and share myself with a certain few. I know that I fear other people's judgement which often results in my classic Knee-Jerk-Response-Under-Pressure. I know that my vivid imagination can interfere under certain circumstances, but I have trouble with awareness-we'll get back to that in a moment. I push people away because I am afraid of having my feelings hurt, my heart broken and somebody stealing my GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip (I always was a tomboy). It's not death that scares me, it's life. Interacting with humans on a day to day basis can be a terribly frightening experience-have you looked at the headlines recently? Yeah they're pretty nutty aren't they? So about this awareness thing that you mentioned above...yes, self awareness can be a daunting task especially if you've had your head immersed in sand for the last several years and stubbornly refuse to take it out. Gee that sounds a bit harsh don'tcha think? Possibly, I'm not too sure. I have to think about it some more. I haven't come up with definitive answers to the questions rolling through my bewildered brain. I don't think it can be solved in 24-48 hours like a cold tablet. So I'm going to ponder it some more.

Bea's Bees

Spring has sprung here in Maryland and the flowers and trees are a-pollinating. Over the past several weeks I've been puttering around the house, spring cleaning, weeding flower beds etc. Last week I noticed a large, and I do mean large, quantity of yellow jackets zipping around my front porch. Now before we go on, dear reader, I must share the following story:

Two years ago at around 5:30 am I was slumbering in my bed, lost in the land of Nod when suddenly I heard a loud clattering noise coming from my bathroom. I have a skylight with a vent in the ceiling and it's kind of neat to have sunlight at the center of one's home. It was one of the reasons that I bought the house. In years past I have had a succession of birds that have accidently fallen in through the vent. I vividly remember coming home from work and finding a stunned sparrow in my bedroom upstairs. I know how to remove birds from my home, and feel as comfortable as one can be in capturing them and setting them back outside. So we're back to that fateful 5:30 am disturbance. I chose to remain in bed at such an early hour figuring it was just some animals goofing around on the roof-no big deal. 7:30 am rolls around and I trundle out of bed and pause. My bedroom, at the back of the house, opens to a small landing and if you're standing (looking outward) in the threshold of my door immediatley to the right is the bathroom and straight ahead is the open door to the front bedroom. I was standing in the small hall between all three rooms, with my hair all Bride o'Frankenstein like, a terrible case of morning breath, and craving some tea when I noticed something very, very peculiar. Perched on the arm of the rocking chair in my front bedroom was a large grey squirrel, looking at me with lovely wide eyes and weirdly chirping. Incoherently, my first thought was, "Gee I never knew squirrels chirped like that." instead of the normal response of, "Holy #*&!&$ there's a live squirrel in my house!". I glanced into the bathroom and noticed that my new grey tufted pal was not appreciative of the decor. The shower curtain and rod were in a pile, bits of shattered glass, overturned plastic bottles and small deposits of dissatisfaction were scattered all over the place. I was amazed that I had slept though the mayhem. I pondered, "Why didn't he come in and wake me up? Wait, did I just think that? D'OH!! Get serious, how does one deal with a squirrel?" I'd never had guests of this nature in my home before. My sister has had bats, raccoons and cousins of my new furry companion relocating inside her home, it's a running family joke. (By the way she does an excellent baby raccoon noise.) The fog of sleep vanished and a voice inside my head boomed, "Shut the door and call for help!" OK good idea. It's always important to have A Plan. I stepped forward to close the bedroom door when Mister Fuzzy Britches twitched and made frantic chirping noises. OK it looked like he was gonna go Pompeii on me folks and I had visions of Clark Griswald dashing 'round the house with a confused squirel on his back from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Instead of following The Plan I bolted downstairs, frantically wondering who in the name of God do I call for assistance? My sister? No, she's at work. My brother-in-law? No he's at work too and is terribly allergic to animals. My father? No way, he'd need too many martinis and sobriety was in order!! I heard my buddy upstairs cavorting and knocking stuff over, things were starting to get a bit out of hand. A thought came upon me like a ray of sunshine through dark menacing clouds-Call An Exterminator! I grabbed the phone book and called the first one I saw. The receptionist answered and said, "*&^%^&*$ Exterminators how may we help you?" I fearfully explained my situation, breathlessly giving her the play by play of the invasion, detailing the size and ferocity of the Grey Menace. She calmly listened and did not interrupt. I blabbered like a fool and finished near tears. She responded in a sweet, patient voice, "Hold please." My head almost exploded while I waited for her comforting voice to come back on the line. I mean I had a LIVE SQUIRREL rocking away on my rocking chair-for the love of Pete this wasn't normal! Thoughts raced-What if The Grey Menace comes downstairs, where would I go? Has he gotten into the back bedroom? What does one use to clean up squirrel poo? Why didn't I shut the darned door? When would they send help? I wish I could brush my teeth so I don't knock the exterminator over with my breath! Can I afford their services? Would they care if I was still in my jammies? (Bathrobe and clothing were in the front bedroom closet, behind Mister Fuzzy Britches on the rocking chair). Thankfully she returned and said, "Someone will be there in 15 minutes." I detected a note of mirth in her voice but I was too relieved to become upset. I gratefully thanked her and hung up. She said only 15 minutes-right-not a problem, I'm a woman of the new milennium. I can handle many of life's burdeons. I'm tough! I just can't handle Mister Fuzzy Britches without a shower and a nice mug of tea.

10 Minutes later there was a knock on my front door, Exterminator Man had arrived. I fearfully told him The Story, there was understanding in his kind grey eyes. After listening to my babble he asked an odd question, "Do you have a broom?" My first thought was "Yes, it's parked right over there and I often ride it around the neighborhood on moonlit nights." but I decided that might not be the correct response. I grabbed the implement of Operation: Grey Menace and handed it to him thinking that he didn't have to clean up the mess in the bathroom, I could handle that. I waited like a coward downstairs while he went up and did battle. I heard footsteps, thumping noises, loud chirping, crashing noises, the sound of opening a window, I began to bite my nails. What in the name of God is going on up there???!!! I glanced out my living room windows trying not to think of the cost and damage. The morning was bright with sunlight, the grass was green, trees gently swayed and, in slow motion that NFL viewers would have been proud of, a grey airborne object gracefully landed on my front lawn and dashed up the nearest tree. Mister Fuzzy Britches had been safely evicted! My humble abode was now free. Exterminator Man came downstairs, handed me the broom and quietly said, "No charge ma'am." I wanted to get down on my knees and praise the Almighty Exterminator Dude but instead I thanked him. He said that he didn't hit the animal with the broom, just used it as a kind of prop to corral and drive the squirrel out the opened window. He left and I watched him zoom off to go save another client in need. It took me several hours to clean up the bathroom and surprisingly there was no major damage in the front bedroom.

Now, dear reader you know my family history of Wild Kingdom. On this week's episode, Bea's Bees. I mentioned above that I'd discovered a nest of industrious Yellow Jackets making a home in my front porch roof. The neighborhood kids gather and play on the porch and I don't mind that they do, it's just that I didn't want anybody getting hurt. Beyond the fact that it hurts when one gets stung, I'm clueless. The normal human being would go get a Bee Bomb or something of the sort to remove the unwanted guests. Other single women in this same circumstance might call on a brother, boyfriend or male family member for assistance. Men are good for this sort of thing. I'm not being sexist, I just think men enjoy climbing ladders and nothing says Drama like a man on a ladder. I have no brothers, no boyfriend and all male members of my family reside a great distance away. Knowing that somewhere in my family tree I have acquired the "Clark-Griswald-Disaster-Waiting-to-Happen-Gene", I chose to defy my genetic trait and called Exterminator Man. He arrived at Casa Bea and said, "Oh you're the woman with the squirrel, I remember you. You were very frightened that day." I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock. There's nothing like being remembered as bonehead, cowering in terror over an animal the size of one's foot. We joked about the Grey Menace and shared bird relocation stories. I told him about the problem and we went outside to investigate. We observed the small swarm of stinging insects. Donning his bee mask and heavy gloves he grabbed a small step ladder and went to work. He puffed some white powder from a squeezie bulb thing with a long spout attached into the nest opening. Hey I'm a chick, I don't do technical terminology very well. Dazed insects immediatley vacated with no angry displays of temper. 'Cause you just don't want a swarm of angry insects coming after you while you're standing on a ladder. I sighed with relief, no man-falling-off-ladder-drama, my porch will not be the site of children screaming in pain due to bee stings and I can now safely dig around in the flower bed. This time he did require a fee and for the bargain basement price of $163.00 my home is bee free for 30 days. I'll keep you posted on any more home invasions.

Art of Sound

Music is an important part of my life. I do not have the ability to play any instruments nor do I write any songs, but I do have a great appreciation for it. Several years ago I had the great opportunity to meet a very talented man by the name of Jim Fidler. I had been introduced to a variety of musicians from Newfoundland (I was working in a theatre at the time and we recieved many cds of prospective artists) and I was stuck by the fact that one: that province is so lovely yet terribly poor and two: the music that comes from that place is remarkably hopeful. I wanted desperatley to find out where this Well of Hope resided. I trundled up to St. John's and found myself in a pub on George street. The stage lighting was pretty bad, it was packed with happy bevvie sucking patrons, and I felt totally out of my element. It's strange, I work in theatre but crowds make me terribly uncomfortable. I suppose that's why I prefer working backstage. I digress... my discomfort vanished when Mister Fidler took the stage. I remember that he did a wonderful accoustic version of Iko Iko that made me feel at home, it's one of my favorite tunes. He has a wonderful gift to take a song and draw you into the lyrics, creating an almost tangible experience. When you hear him preform there is an energy in him that I can't quite describe. I don't remember the gig list from that evening but I had a great time. After the performance some friends and I trouped to another pub on Water street where we all tucked into several rounds of more bevvies. I told a chum that I really enjoyed the music and was told that I should tell him so, for he and his wife were parked at the bar chatting. I am a shy person, I have a difficult time talking to strangers. I get tongue tied and blurt stuff out of my mouth that hours later I think "God you didn't really say that did you?". After a half hour of urging I finally worked up the nerve to speak to the man. Bashfully I approached the couple and almost stopped in my tracks when they both turned around-yes the "deer in the headlights" look was on my face but there was no cool way to return to where I was sitting. I walked over to them and said, "Hi I'm Bea, I really enjoyed your sets tonight at Bridie's." that was all I could manage. The Rhinos of Insecurity stampeded in my stomach and I prayed I wouldn't vomit all over them. He thanked me and I quickly scuttled away before I could make an ass out of myself.

The following year I made my pilgrimage to St. John's again, I had not found the Well of Hope but I had made some great friends. We were gathered at Erin's on Water street one night and low and behold Jim and Lillie Fidler entered the pub. After some serious coaxing from the crew I worked up the nerve to go say hello again, although this time I managed to control the stark terror on my face. I re-introduced myself and was stunned when Jim said he remembered me. My mind tumbled. I thought "How can he remember me of all people from a 5 second Hello?" I have yet to figure out how he worked that bit of magic and we've become friends.

One of the things that I enjoy about the music that Jim creates is that it's always evolving. He has the wisdom and courage to work in several different styles and it's always a delight when he's coming out with a new cd. It's like Christmas morning, you're opening gifts, excitement races through your body, what will be in that next gift? He has been very gracious by allowing me to listen to some of the songs that will be on his upcoming release and I must say he's done a phenominal job. I work with people who paint with light using theatrical lighting instruments but this man paints with light through music. I have always believed that the mark of an artist is that they can take any style of music whether they've written it or not, and share the experience of a song. Jim does this. He sent me a rough version of Fields of Gold and I've gotta be honest. I'm a die hard Sting fan but when I heard this version I fell in love with it all over again. He has created such a lovely tapestry that I cannot stop listening to the song. If your open to a wonderful listening experience, go out and buy his cds. You will not be disappointed to hear the growth and artistry in his music.

side note

OK It's 1:00 am EDT...I am not normally this much of a night owl but in a rare fit of stupidity I threw myself down for a nap after a yummie din of homemade chilli. I thought I'd just nap-a-roo for a half hour or so. That was roughly 7 hours ago, sometimes I amaze myself. I think the allergy stuff I took earlier had something to do with my sleepiness although I don't recollect that the stuff affected me this way before. D'OH Now my sleep schedule will be all kinds of messed up. ARG!

Stop Signs

On my travels through the neighborhood this morning I noticed something that struck me as both funny and sad. It was a beautiful morning, sun shining, birds chirping and a lovely breeze whisked pollen across the state. I was thinking my daily affirmations as I strolled and in the midst of these positive thoughts I saw a stop sign. Now normally this would not to break my reverie but this particular stop sign (and many that followed) had the word STOP and beneath it, written in white paint was BUSH. I chuckled at the unknown political advocate's creative choice. As I continued through the neighborhood I saw that there were many more stop signs identical to the first that I'd seen with the same words. I began to consider that perhaps these signs were a wake up call to the public. Questions began to roll through my mind. I did not vote for Bush in either election and don't support his administration. I find his views to be provincal(sp?) and very out of touch with the world at large. It is disturbing that his claims for peace, democracy and freedom are at odds with his actions. Invading impoverished countries, killing already destitute and fearful people, and for the love of Mike, the Patriot Act. These are not democratic, peaceful actions of an administration bent on making the world a better place. I do support our troops, they are obeying orders and I cannot fault someone for the path that they've chosen. My greatest wish, my hope is that as human beings we learn to respect each other, care for each other. I guess my question is, if anybody has experienced a death of a loved one, the pain, the loss, and the soul searching that is created after such an event, why on earth would you want to inflict that on someone else? Is the suffering OK if it's a complete stranger? Is it all right if that death is of someone who is not of your chosen religious beliefs? The pain is still the same, the loss of life is equal. So why do we continue to do it? Wouldn't it be better to offer compassion and support rather than destruction? Whether we choose to admit it or not, mankind is linked together, a tapestry of different beliefs, cultures and thoughts. We are all one. What we do to others we do to ourselves. Wouldn't it be great if we could accept diversity, encourage each other and live peaceful lives? This is not an easy process and requires awareness, diligence, trust and honesty. I have an idea that it's easier to turn a blind eye and change the channel than it is to really examine what we do to ourselves and each other.

Just felt the need to vent a bit. I've been watching Bravo's Project Greenlight (a show about how films are made) and last night just totally got me angry. It wasn't OK for the director to cast family and friends BUT it is OK for the casting director to go behind the producer and director's backs and get Her friend cast in the movie? THEN!!!! THEN the blonde bimbo casting director has the unmitigated nerve to lie (on camera-mind you) to everybody.Like no one's going to see how manipulative she is? No wonder there are so many forgettable movies being made with crap like that going on behind the scenes. I have no desire to see Feast because this Navi girl who was underhandedly cast as one of the female leads can't act her way out of a phone booth. Sorry Dimension films you just lost my $8.00.

Recently I've been doing a lot of walking. It gets me out of the house and stops me from thinking too much. Today was a lovely day and after doing my breakfast dishes I headed out to enjoy the sunshine. I walk slowly, hey life is not a race-it's a journey-which means I refuse to walk at warp speed because I am horribly out of shape and have no desire to have a thrombo on the streets of Baltimore. It's nice walking around the neighborhood in spring, I get so many ideas for landscaping and window treatments. Anyhow...lol...I was doing my usual route when a sudden attack of shin splints stopped me in my tracks. I mean it felt like everything below the knees was on fire! Picked the wrong day to not do that all important stretching. I stopped, silently praying that the cramps would soon pass. I noticed a woman walking down the street toward me, she was smiling. Hey it's a beautiful day-who wouldn't smile? She walked up to me and said, "For the past several weeks I've been watching you walk. I live just over there and I wanted you to know that you've inspired me. I've seen you walking in rain and on days like today. I admire your perserverance and determination, you Go girl!" I giggled and thanked her. Amazingly my leg pain vanished and there was a spring in my step as I continued home. I found it interesting that a total stranger could be so kind and supportive. It made me feel rather tingly inside. I don't know that woman or where she lives but the kindness she's shown me I won't soon forget. I've been thinking all along that support comes from friends and loved ones. Today I learned that complete strangers are wonderful too.
Give us this day, our daily legs.

After reading previous posts, it occured to me that I have been a blockhead. Instead of spending the day immersing myself in a sea of worry I became a giant scrubbing bubble of energy. I washed and ironed curtains, hung laundry outside, washed windows, scrubbed floors, rehung laundry lines, wiped down walls and rearranged the stars. My house is now piney fresh and terribly spiffy. I should point out that the stars are the glow in the dark kind that you stick to ceilings, not the ones viewed in the sky. (I do have a certain degree of personal power but controlling the heavens is a bit out of my league.) There is something theraputic about getting rid of dirt and clutter. Sudsy water and Pine Sol can be a wonderful tonic for the soul.

Moving on...I recieved a very generous grant from the B &T Mitchell Trust Fund. Yes, I have proof that there is a Greater Being looking out for me-thanks for the wake up call and the blessings that I was not aware of. I quickly paid outstanding debts and hit the grocery store with a vengance. Feeling daring I purchased my first Boca burgers and was totally delighted with them. Who knew being vegan could be so tasty? Continuing on my journey in domesticity I even baked a chocolate cake. My frenzy of activity has been a very positive experience. I've not been over thinking, my house has never been cleaner, for the next 30 days my bills are paid and I've got food. My sister called and gave me some valuable resume advice.

It's all about awareness and perception baby LOL, I think I've found my lost faith.

Faith. What exactly is it? I know that I lack it and don't know where to find it. Webster's Dictionary defines it as: firm belief in something for which there is no proof. Doesn't seem like it can be bottled or found in pill form like a vitamin, so where exactly do I locate it? Many find it in organized religion but I'm not very interested in any organized religion (not that there's anything wrong with it-it's just not my bag baby). I think I used to have faith and am not sure when I lost it. I have an idea that there is a Higher Power, call it God, Allah, Buddah, The Force...it all boils down to the same thing. Take care of each other, don't kill anybody, try to lead an honest life, and celebrate the diversity that The Creator gave us. I'm still stuck in the quandry of where to find my lost faith. I am a practical person, so how do I believe in something which lacks proof? Others have found their evidence so why is it that I cannot see it? Perhaps my perception is fogged and if I'm patient enough it will clear. Patience is another one of my weaknesses. I try to be patient and end up over thinking and then get lost in my thoughts. It's a confusing cycle. Many have commented to me that it's a painful process to watch me wrestle with faith and patience so I have tried to hide it, thinking that I wouldn't be accepted because I struggle. I can't bury it anymore, it's become too big to stuff into a closet and needs to be pulled out into daylight. I'm not too sure where I go from here.

It's quite late. I can't sleep and there are just so many games of solitare that I can play before my head explodes. I'm not really sure why I'm doing this. Perhaps it's time to unplug for a while?